12.31.2006

DOOFUS believes every life is precious, spokesbimbo says.

"The president believes that every life is precious and grieves for each one that is lost," said White House spokesman Scott Stanzel. "He will ensure their sacrifice was not made in vain."

Oh come on, Scotty, give us a break. Surely you can come up with something better than that.

55,000 now?

No reason among "hyperventilating left-liberals," NYTimes columnist claims.

In the Times' Dec. 30 issue "Globalist" columist Roger Cohen huffs...
Much of the left, in both Europe and the United States, is so convinced that the Iraq invasion was no more than an American grab for oil and military bases, it seems to have forgotten the myriad crimes of Saddam Hussein.

Yeah, well, nice try, Roger, but "it seems" just won't cut it here. Let's have one - just one, I'm asking for here - name and citation from a leftie who's "forgotten the myriad crimes of Saddam Hussein. Hyperventilating or no. Just breathing is fine with me.

As Jane Hamsher points out in her discussion of Roger's rant, here at Firedoglake, Cohen's claim picks up a popular Bushco-minion theme, "we were right to be wrong."

And more, it picks up on a rhetorical device much favored in wingnut circles - floating over-inflated, gas-filled bogeymen and hysterically shooting them down. "Liberals hate Christmas." "Liberals love illegals." "Liberals want to kill all the babies." "Liberals want to ruin your marriage." And the most bloated of all, "Liberals hate America."

Now don't get all excited here, Bunky. Don't hyperventilate. You're right if you say some of the moonbats do too. But try reading a few issues of William Kristol's Weekly Standard some day - just about every article leads off with that device. Try listening to Malkin or Coulter, O'Reilly or Limbaugh. (And no, no links. Go find them for yourself.) Oh yeah, it's a wingnut thing, alright. Wingnuts are assholes.

(See what I mean?)

For your New Year's viewing pleasure...

Yet Another Media Empire presents...
Times Square.

In Canada and Europe, squirrels smarter than trees.

Here, we're just happy when our politicians are.
"The squirrels obviously figured out a cue," Dr. Buton said.

Whatever that clue is, it allows the squirrels to adjust their reproductive rate in anticipation of available food, reports All Headline News.

Vote for an honest vote.

At BlackBoxVoting.org Bev Harris and a great many others have been working hard since 2004 to investigate and document the critical, potentially fatal flaws in the US election system. There's a detailed account of the organization's activities in the organization's online press kit here.

Now they need your help in bringing the results of their work before Congress and petitioning for reforms in the laws governing US elections. The petition, entitled "Request by Voters," is available for review in a web-page version here and in pdf form here. Read it.

And join the effort. This is a non-partisan issue, and there is none greater facing America. If our elections fail, we fail. Honest and fair elections are the bedrock of democracy.

Visit the web page or download the pdf to read the petition and follow the simple instructions included there to join the effort. Help make 2007 a happy new year for us all.

Barry's back with a year-end review...

On a happier note, the United States marks the 50th anniversary of the Interstate Highway System -- an engineering marvel consisting of 47,000 miles of high-speed roads connecting 157,000 Waffle Houses. A formal ceremony is planned, but has to be canceled when Dad refuses to stop.

...which is, as usual, worth a read.

Final: The 2006 Darwin Awards

(August 2006, Brazil) August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer.

And more. So much more.

And lest we forget, we are sure to be reminded. As often as possible. At least for the next two years.

"It was this man, Gerald R. Ford, who led our republic safely though a crisis that could have turned to catastrophe," said Cheney, speaking in the Capitol Rotunda where Ford's body rested in a flag-draped casket. "Gerald Ford was almost alone in understanding that there can be no healing without pardon."

(myway)

Against all odds, nuggets of real information discovered.

This thanks to Christian Century and the heads-up journalism of Sam Smith at Progressive Review.
...Ellison [the Muslim representative-elect from Minnesota who raised a ruckus in certain quarters by saying he intended to take his oath on the Qur'an] would not be the first member of Congress to forgo a Bible at the swearing-in ceremony. Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D., Fla.) took her oath in 2005 on a Tanakh, the Hebrew Bible, which she borrowed from Representative Gary Ackerman (D., N.Y.) after learning a few hours earlier that the speaker of the House didn't have any Jewish holy books. . .

Also governors of Hawaii and Vermont, and four US presidents. And in point of fact...
House members are sworn in together on the House floor in a ceremony without any book, holy or otherwise. But in an unofficial ceremony, individual members reenact an oath-taking so that it can be photographed - a tradition dating from the beginning of the wide use of photography.

Bafflegab.

What a great word! Coined back in the early 50s by one Milton A. Smith, an assistant general counsel for the US Chamber of Commerce, it's meant to describe the sort of bureaucratic language that obscures any hope of understanding - or, as Smith himself put it...
"multiloquence characterized by consummate interfusion of circumlocution or periphrasis, inscrutability, and other familiar manifestations of abstruse expatiation commonly utilized for promulgations implementing Procrustean determinations by governmental bodies."

The word survived (I'll just have to take the surviving part on faith, never having run across it myself til now), according to Michael Quinion, writing at World Wide Words, due to its "plosive consonants."

But of course you could see that right away.

(Thanks, e.)

Betting the ranch, hoping for a lucky draw, remembering Gerry Ford.

And we're not talking about betting just his own ranch here. Oh no. Yours too.

Writing at HuffPo Larry Beinhart explains in a piece called "2007 - Year of Madness."

Getting Saddam was going to be Bush's jackpot....

He used all the political capital he'd acquired from 9/11. Plus he gave up on Osama bin Laden, Mullah Omar and Afghanistan. He told lies about why we went to war. He violated the basics of international law. He alienated our allies. If he won, all that would be forgotten and forgiven. Worth the price. Proof of his daring manliness. Success erases more sins than being born again ever will. Just ask Jimmy Carter.

But he lost.

Can he get up and walk away from the table?

No.

He will double down, says Beinhart: the war will go on. And I think Beinhart's right. In fact I think it's been apparent for quite some time.

Even if the war remains a quagmire, death and destruction with no end in sight, Bush - personally - is better off. American service men and women, Americans who are paying the bills, Iraqis, and the rest of the world, may not be. But he's better off. Because that will force someone else to pull the plug. Bush will then maintain that had we just stuck to it, it would have succeeded eventually. He will then hire an army of payable pundits and whorish historians to churn out books and papers to say so. That's what the half billion dollar presidential library is for.

And, of course the Pardon, "healing our national nightmare" or whatever the line is now. You remember. Like Gerry Ford did.

Good old Gerry Ford.

ADD:
Gerry Ford, you will recall, is the guy who pulled the plug on Vietnam, a war that has lived on in "conservative" legend as one that would have been won if we'd only gone farther and stayed longer, a war that was only lost because of "the press" and those damn tree-hugging hippies and Jane Fonda, not because it was the wrong war at the wrong time in the wrong place - a bad bet too. And that one was one conducted in large part by Democrats - JFK and LBJ - and the Rs have never been able to really walk away from it either. Imagine Iraq.

Which is why, I predict, the Democrats will not really stand up to the Bushies on Iraq until and unless they win the White House in '08. And even then they will only stop it, not end it, unless and until Bush and Cheney and Rummy and Rice are prosecuted. Put in the dock. Given the kind of fair trial they themselves claim to be so fond of, for their roles in this disastrous misadventure.

Forgiving and forgetting just won't cut it here. This one needs a stake through its heart.

12.30.2006

We interrupt this party to pass along a note on current news.

I've avoided adding to the present hubbub swirling about the execution of Saddam Hussein and intend to continue doing so. Make of it what you will; there are plenty of people clamoring to assist.

But for a somewhat broader perspective on the events of this festive holiday season I recommend you read Glenn Greenwald's discussion, posted today.

An excerpt:
It is truly vile to listen to George Bush anoint himself the Arbiter of Due Process and Human Rights by praising the Iraqis for giving a "fair trial" to Saddam when we are currently holding 14,000 individuals (at least) around the world in our custody -- many of whom we have been holding for years and in the most inhumane conditions imaginable -- who have been desperately, and unsuccessfully, seeking some forum, any forum, in which to prove their innocence. This lawlessly imprisoned group includes journalists, political activists, and entirely innocent people.

All of it is here.

God said that? Really? Are they kidding?

Web site called "Chickenhead" parodies NY Daily News by publishing a (sorta) "facsimile" of the Daily News front page.

Gets "Cease & Desist."

Doesn't.

Hey! No! I never said that!

DARTMOOR, United Kingdom--After years of being dismissed as effete, the magical creatures known as pixies have begun a campaign to transform their image.

"Pixies aren't pansies," said pixie spokesperson Jack Thistle, the bells on the ends of his shoes tinkling in anger.

I mean really, these guys sound serious.
Instead of souring churnfuls of milk or luring travelers astray with dancing lights, the so-called 'New Pixie' threatens to remove fizz from beer and disrupt football broadcasts....

Hopefully, it won't come to that. The tiny creatures have already made some progress with their new image, often finding employment as bouncers at nightclubs.

Wee little pansy nightclubs, I guess.

Oooops.

Iraq's golden era past, writes CNN.com reader.

The reign of Saddam is over and his "golden" era is already history.

(CNN)

Pretty tough to argue with that one, Bunky.

Well at least it beats "sleeping over at a girlfriend's."

Father sues after daughter spends four days stuck in lift

And those geezers trying to park their SUVs.

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Spilt animal parts and a Tomahawk missile that tumbled out of a lorry caused some of the worst traffic nightmares of 2006, according to a report on roadway incidents.

Nice headline! Woohoo!

Woman charged with malicious castration

As opposed to...?

A footnote from the Chicago Tribune.

Castro, that bastard, gave cigars to Saddam Hussein.
He was passionate about cigars, and Fidel Castro kept him stocked with Cuba's finest tobacco.

Oh the treachery.

More stuff you didn't hear much of last year.

Top 25 Censored Stories of 2007
(Project Censored)

F.O.B. driveway.

LOVELAND, Colo. - As if Colorado residents don't have enough snow to dig out from, one resident is offering more for a price on eBay. Starting bids were holding steady Friday at 99 cents for snow from "Blizzard I and Blizzard II" being offered by Mary Walker. She and husband, Jim, got the idea for selling snow after shoveling mounds from two storms a week apart that together dumped more than 4 feet along the Front Range.

I seem to recall a tale about some guy up around Duluth back in the 40s or 50s who got his beach cleared of rocks by offering tourists the opportunity to "pick their own." For a modest fee, of course. So this just might work.

Bring a truck.

In Wisconsin, brain freeze.

MILWAUKEE (AP) -- Wisconsin's revenue agency said Friday that it sent as many as 170,000 forms to taxpayers with mailing labels mistakenly printed with their Social Security numbers.

The state Department of Revenue was scrambling to alert taxpayers to be on the lookout for the mailings.

"We want to prevent any chance identity theft might occur," department spokeswoman Meredith Helgerson said.

Baghdad Burning:

End of Another Year...

12.29.2006

Do you really think you could stand upright?

Roper: "So now you'd give the Devil the benefit of law!"

[Sir Thomas] More: "Yes. What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get to the Devil?"

Roper: "I'd cut down every law in England to do that!"

More: "Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned round on you -- where would you hide, Roper, the laws all being flat. This country's planted thick with laws from coast to coast -- man's laws, not God's -- and if you cut them down -- and you're just the man to do it -- do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes, I'd give the Devil benefit of the law, for my own safety's sake."


-A Man For All Seasons, play by Robert Bolt

Mushy! Oh yeah!

As some of you may have gathered I have a mild and hopefully short-lived dental situation in progress, nothing serious, but I need to be careful about chewing for another day or two. As in, I really shouldn't be chewing much of anything at all. This was an unforeseen situation so I wasn't really prepared for it, and I got through yesterday on a few cans of some "nutrition drink" stuff, which turns out to be surprisingly disgusting - no one should have to drink that stuff - and a couple cups of something claiming to be "pudding," and Jello.

So when this morning it became apparent this might go on yet for another day or two I repaired to the grocery store. Woohoo! It's amazing how much mushy stuff you can find when you're desperate for something that doesn't taste like a chemical waste dump.

Baked beans! Canned peas! A bunch of those canned "Italian" concoctions! Yogurt! Even a can of corned beef hash (getting daring there). And I didn't even hit the freezer case or the deli counter, and I forgot the cottage cheese. And I have some bananas and some oatmeal and a couple of potatoes I can boil, and even a can of sardines I can probably squash. Like a feast!

I'd kill for a pretzel.

Who said this: "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job."?

No wait. Wait.

Who said this?
"I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport."

And this?
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

Yeah, that one's a dead giveway, isn't it. OK, you can say it now. Go for it.

The DOOFUS!

Awwww. It sounds kind of arty to me.

Also freakin' hilarious.
La Scala opera house has canceled a production of Bernstein's "Candide'' that includes a scene with actors dancing in underwear while wearing masks of world leaders including President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

(HuffPo)

Privately?

WASHINGTON — With President Bush leaning toward sending more soldiers to pacify Iraq, his defense secretary is privately opposing the buildup.

Oh no. He don't get no privately here. That's like well, we were against it but we voted for it anyway. That's like we don't really want to do this but here goes. That's like OK, but please don't let it be my ass.

Publicly is all these jerks get. No fingers crossed behind backs.

Yes or no. And we're taking names.

Awesome!

It's not a failure, it's a success that hasn't occured yet!

Holy Crap is right.

I'm not the first to say this, but ain't it nice.

Some stand-in spokesbimbo down there in the bunker's Crawford annex says...
But the President wants to make sure that he's taking the appropriate amount of time and giving the appropriate consideration of all the options before making an announcement.

How sweet. Sure would have been nice, though, if he'd done that four years ago. Given it appropriate consideration. Spent appropriate time. Plans may be nice, but this one's way overdue. And counting.

"Harvest of Shame."

There's been a lot of buzz recently about Keith Olbermann's work, evoking the spirit of Edward R. Murrow, all of which may be true. I only very rarely watch TV (don't own one myself) but I've seen enough of Olbermann to appreciate the resemblance. And it's a welcome resemblance - the spirit of Ed Murrow in TV journalism is a rare thing indeed today.

Last night I had an opportunity to watch Murrow's groundbreaking documentary, "Harvest of Shame," again. First aired on Thanksgiving Day, 1960, in prime time, just as Americans were recuperating from their holiday dinners, "Harvest" brilliantly and graphically exposed the brutal working conditions imposed on US migrant farm workers of the day. It's a monument to the investigative journalist's craft and a goad to the conscience of a nation, produced with equipment by today's standards primitive and featuring unblinking interviews and photography reminiscent of Dorothea Lange's depression-era work.

And if you have a chance to watch it yourself, ask yourself what's changed in the last 45 years. I don't know enough about the treatment of migrant workers today to authoritatively answer that question myself. Likely there's been some progress won by labor organizing in the fields - Chávez's lettuce and grape boycotts of the 1970s come to mind. But the exploitive model "Harvest" lays bare - the practices and the attitudes - has grown deep roots and spread, into the garment industry, the hospitality industry and even retailing, as Barbara Ehrenreich's "Nickel and Dimed," and other investigations, reveal.

We could use a whole lot more Murrow in our world.

Trickshot Dick makes Mad...

...gets cover shot on magazine's "tribute to the year's biggest idiots."

(Thanks to Sideshow for finding and Blah3 for posting.)

12.28.2006

Aha! Well maybe that's the reason for the dopey grin.

The Mona Lisa used to hang on the wall of Napoleon’s bedroom.

Or so reports the BBC on a list of "100 things we didn't know last year."

OK, so you did know that? Well here's one you didn't.
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobiacs is the term for people who fear the number 666.

Why not just You?

Better yet, why not get out of the "of the Year" business altogether? It doesn't seem to be going terribly well.
President Bush came out on top in this year's AP-AOL News poll, winning as "hero" and "villain" for 2006. But while Bush won "villain of the year" by a "landslide," in earning the "hero" honor, the president triumphed over the U.S. troops fighting the war in Iraq by a much smaller margin.

And notice, in passing, AP-AOL News [what?], in a report summarized by Raw Story here, apparently can't quite put its finger on the president of Iran's name.

Lack of oversight extends beyond Congress.

Way, way beyond, as Christy Hardin Smith, writing at Firedoglake, explains.

For the past six years, Congress has failed in its duty to provide much needed oversight, shining no sunshine into the fraudulant and wasteful cronyism and doled out greedy no-bid handovers.

And at every turn, IG offices in every governmental agency have been stonewalled and stymied in their investigations. Who could forget the refusal to give clearances to DoJ attorneys investigating improper practices within their own Department for the President's own illegal domestic spying program? Yeah, that one was a classic. And, unfortunately, not a unique example with the current bunch.


And it's worth way, way more than just a pullquote. Go read.

It takes a mighty thump to flatten religion and Marxism, both, with one blow, etc etc, blah blah blah.

As longtime Corner readers know, I'm far more sympathetic to intervening on a case by case basis than I am to the religious/holistic/Marxist cases for throwing a wet-blanket on global capitalism in the name of curbing greenhouse gas emissions. This is not to say reasonable anti-pollution regulations aren't a good idea, etc etc, blah blah blah.

But this guy Jonah Goldberg manages by simply not mentioning what the hell he's talking about, except that it involves wet blankets, etc etc, blah blah blah. Maybe this is just some variant on "in bed together but if it is, well, it sounds a little kinky to me. Etc, etc.

Goldberg is writing to suggest, lest one wonder, that if polar bears are indeed threatened by a lack of floating ice we should build them lifeboats because, hey, we can't do anything else about it anyway, so blah blah blah.

And I don't know exactly what "The Corner" is but if standing in it involves wearing a dunce cap it sounds to me like the perfect place for Jonah Goldberg.

Athletic, though.

Gerry Ford was the guy who pardoned Nixon, you may remember. And turned down a chance to play for the Packers.

"But Ford was one of the fittest and most athletic presidents," reports the Chicago Sun-Times.

''There was no doubt in my mind that I was the most athletic president to occupy the White House in years," Ford wrote in a memoir.

So at least we're all agreed on that.

And by the way, you can get your souvenir WIN ("Whip Inflation Now") button at eBay.

Backup meme spreads. Ethiopians seem to do it better.

“The government has taken over Mogadishu,” a transitional government leader, Jama Fuuruh, told Reuters by telephone from Mogadishu’s port.

Right. "Militias loyal to the transitional government" of Somalia, backed up by the Ethiopian army, have captured Mogadishu, reports the NYTimes, backed up by nobody, after "Islamists" scampered.
“No one is really in command,” said one adviser to Western diplomats who has close contacts with both the Islamists and the transitional government. “Chaos is in command.”

So then. Why is it when the Ethiopians back somebody up they capture a whole city, but when we back somebody up it's all they can do to capture a police station? Just wondering here. Maybe we should ask the Ethiopians for some backup.

And what the hell is "an advisor to Western diplomats"?

DOOFUS burnishing in a non-decisional way.

Yes. This according to the Associated Press, which also reports the DOOFUS being assisted in his burnishing (and, presumbably, non-deciding) by "top military and diplomatic advisers" as "critics," none of which, apparently, are among said "top military and diplomatic advisors," urge the "Democratic Congress," whatever that might be (is there a "Republican Congress" too?) to resist a military buildup in Iraq.

Bunker spokesbimbo Scott Stanzel helpfully informs us folks (specifically, the American people, or roughly five percent of the world's population) are "rightfully concerned" about developments in Iraq. (Thanks for the "rightful," Scotty. Gonna stop snooping on the phone calls now?) Whether the other 95% of the world is unconcerned or merely not rightful is unexplained.

Whatever. I do like the idea, and am planning an entirely non-decisional day for myself, some portion of which devoted to wondering how they taught the White House to speak.

George Will on "tranquilizing" Baghdad:

Baghdad is the problem and while we debate what to do in Baghdad, the Shiites are changing the facts on the ground in Baghdad through incremental—not at all stealthy—rather rapid ethnic cleansing. So we may get a monochrome Baghdad out of this which would be ahhh, sad, but perhaps tranquilizing.

Video of Will's "This Week" performance is at Crooks and Liars. And don't even get me started on "monochrome."

George Will is just, ahhh, sad.

(Why is this in parentheses?)

(Which reminds me: why aren't liberals demanding that Silvestre Reyes step down from his new chairmanship of the House Intelligence Committee? Imagine how we'd all be howling if a Republican chairman couldn't say whether Al Qaeda was "predominately" Sunni or Shia.)

Well, to be fair, the Frank Dwyer article at HuffPo is about Gerald Ford (he was a bozo). But still. This is not a very parenthetical question.

Why?

12.27.2006

No metaphor in the bunker.

Really. Just rats, says WIIIAI.
Really, there is absolutely no metaphor to see here, move along
.

Of course. If Ethiopia bombs Somalia that has nothing to do with Ethiopia. At all.

Tuesday, a day after an Ethiopian jet strafed the airport in the Somali capital of Mogadishu, the State Department issued internal guidance to staff members, instructing officials to play down the invasion in public statements.

"Should the press focus on the role of Ethiopia inside Somalia," read a copy of the guidelines given to The New York Times by a U.S. official here, "emphasize that this is a distraction from the issue of dialogue between the TFIs and Islamic courts."

TFI is an abbreviation for the weak transitional government in Somalia.

"The press must not be allowed to make this about Ethiopia, or Ethiopia violating the territorial integrity of Somalia," the guidance said.

Nothing. Whatsoever.
Ethiopia has long been a strong ally of Washington in the Horn of Africa. The American military has for years trained Ethiopian troops at bases in the eastern region. The training is part of a Pentagon effort to build the Ethiopian military into a bulwark against regional terrorist networks.

See? That's what I mean. OK, well, maybe just a little bit do do with us. But we're not Ethiopia, are we? No. Not at all.

Curses!

We're having some kind of slush storm. OK not a bad one, and it's just puddling up on the ground like rain, and making the rooftops wet. But I say it's slush and I say to hell with it. I know, it's December. I know, it'll get cold. I know, there'll be snow. But not today.

Also, I can't figure out why Blogger doesn't upload pics the way it used to. I know, there's another way. But not today.

Today I need some groceries, though. For making some nice, easy to chew soup. So out into the slush go I.

See here's the problem with these new-fangled gadgets.

A pilot watched in horror as his plane took off without him.

The airman, 70, saw it soar into the sky and do a loop before crashing, reports the Mirror.

(via Ananova)

Used to be, geezers would just occasionally stomp on the accelerator instead of the brake and mash their Buicks into a garage or something. But now, everybody's running around with iPods and cell phones and airplanes, there's a whole lot more can go wrong. Like, loops. Whoever saw a Buick do a loop? Buicks pretty much just go straight.

Otherwise it's more or less the same story though, guy hit the throttle by mistake and then cranked the prop. And at least he wasn't actually in the plane when it crashed, which is an improvement, of sorts, I guess. Buicks, a guy's more likely to be in.

Planning ahead in Florida.

You know, just in case.
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. -- A bill that would automatically return voting rights to felons after they complete their sentences has been introduced by a Florida legislator who is still in office even though he is a convicted felon.,,,

Siplin, a two-term Democrat from Orlando, was convicted in August on felony grand theft charges for having employees work on his 2004 re-election campaign on state time. He was sentenced last month to three years' probation and 300 hours of community service, but that has been postponed pending his appeal.

Siplin was disqualified from voting in November but doesn't get put on the never-vote-again-in-your life list unless he loses his appeal. Or unless, of course, he can get the law changed before that happens.
Florida is one of just three states _ all in the South _ that don't automatically restore voting rights after completion of a sentence, said [FLA] Senate Minority Leader Steven Geller.

Are the "anti-gunners" out to get you? (Or just the NRA?)

Well I don't know. But they sure are a scary looking bunch of dudes, as you can see for yourself on this January, 2007, NRA magazine cover from pudge at Flickr.

Why don't they just outlaw everybody and get it over with?

Dec. 26 (Bloomberg) -- For growing numbers of international business travelers, visa and customs regulations are making trips to the U.S. a thing of the past.

Companies say U.S. rules have become so onerous in the wake of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks that it's often simpler to meet customers, business partners and employees elsewhere. Exxon Mobil Corp. has resorted to customer meetings in a London branch office; Ingersoll-Rand Co. says it took one of its Indian engineers three 18-hour trips to get his U.S. visa.

Sure, I know, nobody's safe as long as there's an Ingersoll-Rand engineer lurking about. But life goes on. If these so-called "conservatives" insist on hiding under their beds, why don't we just toss them their teddy bears and forget about them, get on with things?

Bunky, you can't be afraid of everybody. It just won't work. And there will always be somebody walking on the grass.

12.26.2006

A four-square day.

It wasn't post-Christmas stupor but an early-morning close encounter with the art of dentistry that's had me in a somewhat subdued mood today. Still, the project at hand seems to have been carried off successfully, with only a few minor adjustments scheduled for tomorrow, the whole thing requiring - so far, at least - only four squares of the emergency chocolate bar.

Meanwhile this seems as good a time as any to point out a feature in the sidebar column titled "Items from Elsewhere" which has a "read more" link at the bottom leading in turn to my Google Reader picks, for what they're worth. I'm finding Google Reader to be a very useful device for following a handful of favorite blogs and keeping track of posts ("starred items") that particularly interest me. If you haven't already settled on a favorite newsreader you might want to give Google Reader a try.

So how's it working out so far, BearingPoint (love the studly caps).

In July of 2003, BearingPoint was awarded a contract by USAID worth $79.5 million to facilitate Iraq's economic recovery with a two-year option worth a total of $240,162,688. Responsibilities in this contract include:
1. Creating Iraq's budget
2. Writing business law
3. Setting up tax collection
4. Laying out trade and customs rules
5. Privatize state-owned enterprises by auctioning them off or issuing Iraqis shares in the enterprises.
6. Reopen banks and jump-start the private sector by making small loans of $100 to $10,000.
7. Wean Iraqis from the U.N. oil-for-food program, the main source of food for 60% of the population.
8. Issue a new currency and set exchange rates.

(Sourcewatch)

Oh. Sorry. If you've never heard of BearingPoint, maybe this will help...
BearingPoint was formerly KMPG Consulting Inc., the consulting division of the huge accounting firm KPMG LLP that was brought down in the Enron/Arthur Anderson scandal of 2002. On February, 8, 2001, the consulting branch was officially seperated from its parent due to a public offering on the company. When the Enron scandal broke, they changed their name to BearingPoint and subsquently acquired the operations left behind by the deteriorating Arthur Anderson.

Right.

I suppose when you're a z-list blogger you can't expect to get this kind of stuff.

But thanks to Gawker (and in turn, The Slug) we can all enjoy...
a joyous little collection of holiday cards from flacks far and wide.

But those already fully absorbed may stay home and blog.

The idea of signing up residents who are seeking U.S. citizenship is gaining traction as a way to address a critical need for the Pentagon, while fully absorbing some of the roughly one million immigrants that enter the United States legally each year.

Signing up? For...? Ah. The military, of course. Ladies and Gentlemen, now introducing...The American Foreign Legion.

Foreign citizens' serving in the U.S. military is a highly charged issue, which could expose the Pentagon to criticism that it is essentially using mercenaries to defend the country," writes Bryan Bender in the Boston Globe (here published in the International Herald Tribune). Mercenaries? Ya think?
The proposal to induct more noncitizens, which is still largely on the drawing board, has to clear a number of hurdles. So far, the Pentagon has been quiet about specifics, like who would be eligible to join, where the recruiting stations would be, and what the minimum standards might involve, like English proficiency.

Well, Pentagon, allow us to help you out a bit. No Muslims, of course - hey, just one of them in Congress has got the wingnuts quivering in fear. Imagine what a whole platoon would do. And none of those Mexicans - we've got way too many of them already. They're trying to take over Arizona! I think the Germans and Italians already have an army of their own. And we certainly don't want no Fr**ch. Or gays.

Australians would be OK except, well, there's that English thing. I'm not sure exactly what "English proficiency" you're looking for, Pentagon. I thought being able to say "yes, Sir," and "clusterfuck" was pretty much enough. But then I was in the old black boot Army and maybe things have changed. Anyway, maybe one or two guys with a little Arabic proficiency would be a good idea. Or one of those other funky Mid-East languages. You know. Whatever.

Or maybe we could snatch ourselves some Canucks.
A recent change in U.S. law, however, gave the Pentagon authority to bring immigrants to the United States if it determines it is vital to national security. So far, the Pentagon has not taken advantage of it, but the calls are growing to use this new authority.

Indeed, some top military thinkers believe the United States should go as far as targeting foreigners in their native countries.

Begging the question what might be meant by "top military thinkers" - that really is a mind-bending concept, isn't it? - you've gotta admit, there's a good, tried-and-true idea there: press gangs. Why not? Beats a draft.

And by the way - what exactly are they talking about, "fully absorbing," anyway?

12.25.2006

Looking for something seriously geeky, get you past all that turkey and all those Christmas cookies and back to the real world?

Well OK then. Here ya go. Franticindustries reviews 10 - count 'em, 10 - fledgling (and not so fledgling) WebOSes, right here.

Now all his base are belong to FDR?

THE White House is expected to announce a reconstruction package for Iraq as part of a plan for a “surge” of up to 30,000 troops into Baghdad when President George W Bush unveils America’s new strategy next month.

Bush is being urged to give up to $10 billion (£5.1 billion) to Iraq as part of a “New Deal” that would create work for unemployed Iraqis, following the model of President Franklin D Roosevelt during the 1930s depression.

How beautiful is that?

And how about an extra round of egg nog for those folks still stuck in Denver.

DENVER (AP) - Even with a few added flights, planes leaving Denver's beleaguered airport Christmas Eve teemed with passengers, many of whom had been stranded when a two-day blizzard shut down the runways last week.

The airport's two biggest airlines, United and Frontier, said they finally flew full schedules of a combined 1,200 flights Saturday, plus 12 extra by United. They expected a similar schedule Sunday as travelers around the country whose itineraries were wrecked by the storm's ripple effect raced to get home.

Christmas crimes.

NEW YORK (AP) - There's nobody nice on this Christmas list: snowman stabbers, Grinch snatchers, wreath-robbing weasels. 'Tis the season for strange crimes by even stranger people, with police blotters expanding faster than a 6-year-old's wish list of gifts.

Wait. There's a law against snowman stabbing now?
"Why me?" asked Frosty's owner, Matt Williquette. "And why Frosty?"

Oh. Inflatable snowman. Well then.

But really, running away with the Steppin' Out Dance Studio Christmas float - now, that's bad.

Warhol's back, it seems.

"Everybody wants to be cool and groovy, and there is this nagging feeling that nobody was more cool and groovy than Andy," Doonan offers. "He invented it. Every few years a new generation discovers him and then all the old geezers like me get reminded of how great he was … and funny." One of Doonan's favorite Warholisms? "Employees make the best dates: You don't have to pick them up and they are always tax deductible."

Of course you could wind up an unemployed geezer but hey, you'd be cool and groovy and that's the thing.

You may not know this...

...but way back a long, long time ago, at the beginning of everything, they had Christmas every day. Because, on the very first December 25th, Adam said, "It's Christmas, Eve."

So then the next day...

So go ahead, have your Christmas tree - and everybody else's too.

Here are EarthCam's Christmas Tree Cams.

12.24.2006

Wellll...

In a University of Minnesota survey designed to determine who is naughty and who is nice, the naughty outnumbered the nice by a whopping 3-to-1 margin, the university revealed today....

Davis Logsdon, who supervised the survey, said that the rise of the naughty, along with the steady decline of the nice, can be attributed to two major factors. “The Internet has spread naughtiness at a rate that few of us could have anticipated,” Mr. Logdson said. “Also, some of the credit has to go to the Fox network.”

...to quote a card I received recently, "You say naughty like that's a bad thing."

Pretty hip, that Queen.

LONDON (AP) - The Queen's traditional Christmas speech will be available as a podcast for the first time this year, officials at Buckingham Palace announced Friday.

A download can be ordered free in advance on the British monarchy's website www.royal.gov.uk, officials said. Internet users can also view the speech online and a text version will be posted on the royal website.

Is YouTube next?

Sugary good all over my shirt.

Hmmm. I seem to have made some cookies. Those little round "Mexican wedding cake" ones and they came out pretty good, all things considered. And know what? They're not hard to make at all. They're pretty much just butter with some other stuff thrown in. And then you roll them in powdered sugar, and then you scrub the whole kitchen to get rid of the sugar that's left. But what the hell, mine needed scrubbing anyway.

And then you have a plate of cookies, and sugar on your shirt. Yum.

The war profiteers.

"It's the whole peace-on-earth and goodwill-toward-man thing. It lifts us up when people can say 'Merry Christmas' without worrying about whether it's politically correct," said Jennifer Giroux, a Cincinnati entrepreneur. She began marketing rubber bracelets urging "Just Say 'Merry Christmas' " last December; this season, she has sold more than 50,000, at $2 apiece.

I don't know. Somehow I thought "peace on earth" and "goodwill toward man" had more expansive meanings. But you take what you can get, I guess. Go for the bucks.

"It's never been about the money," says Giroux, who plans to donate her profits to charity. Like the American Family Association, perhaps. Who knows.
Tim Wildmon, president of the American Family Association, said he was delighted with the revenue from "War on Christmas" merchandise, which supplemented the ministry's $13 million annual budget. All 500,000 buttons and 125,000 magnets were sold out by early December. "It was very successful for us," Wildmon said.

So there you go. Just like most merchandisers, the Christianists make most of their money on Christmas.
In fact, the fund-raising went so well that the religious right plans to branch out. Next up: The war on Easter.

Scouts for the American Family Association, which is based in Tupelo, Miss., will keep a keen eye out for stores that promote "spring baskets" or "spring bonnets" instead of celebrating Christ's resurrection. The group already has laid in a stash of Easter buttons, bearing three gold crosses and the words "He Lives."

Meanwhile, the way I see it, you can say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" or whatever else you want. No matter which you pick, someone will think you're a dork.

And here's wishing you all a Good Yule.

The missing Mitt.

Laying the foundation of a presidential candidacy, Governor Mitt Romney has spent all or part of 212 days outside Massachusetts so far in 2006, an average of more than four days on the road each week, a Globe review of his public schedules shows.

But still drawing full pay, so far as I know. Funny, huh? How these tax-cutting, budget-busting Rs are willing to short the schools and job training programs and home care for gimpy geezers but grab all they can get for themselves. Oh yeah. Presidential. He fits right in.

Very classy.

CNet News.com reported this week that Karim Yergaliyev, 19, one of the top 30 “diggers,” whose stories get the most diggs from fellow users, agreed to a barter transaction from a marketer, Nathan Schorr, the business development manager for JetNumbers. In exchange for free service, Mr. Yergaliyev acknowledged, he planted an article about JetNumbers, which provides “virtual” telephone numbers (news.com).

“I never do it,” Mr. Yergaliyev told News.com, “but the week JetNumbers asked me, I met this girl and I was really happy with life. I wanted to help anybody.”

When all else fails blame it on your girlfriend. Swift.

Just count your pennies and leave the metaphors to us.

Raccoon Dogs put Diddy in Kettle of Fish

(The Money Times)

12.23.2006

There'll always be an England.

LONDON (AFP) - A feisty great-grandmother held four builders hostage after they told her improvement work on her home would not be finished by Christmas, several British newspapers reported.

Josie Medlock snapped when she was told the modernisation of her municipal council-owned home would not be completed until the new year, scuppering her plans to have 14 family members round for a slap-up Christmas Day meal....

"They have had me up nearly every day at 6:00 am for them to start at 8:00 am and then they didn't turn up. I just couldn't take it any more. I was beside myself with worry that the house would look like a tip for Christmas."

(AFP)

Away in a back seat, no crib for his bed: A Christmas story.

Her family begged the soldiers to let them through, but they would not relent. So at 1am, on the back seat next to a chilly checkpoint with no doctors and no nurses, Fadia delivered a tiny boy called Mahmoud and a tiny girl called Mariam. "I don't remember anything else until I woke up in the hospital," she says now. For two days, her family hid it from her that Mahmoud had died, and doctors said they could "certainly" have saved his life by getting him to an incubator.

(The Independent)

Downright doddering.

...the average age of the incoming Democratic House committee leaders is 67, six years older than the Republicans they are replacing. The trend is the same, albeit less pronounced, in the Senate, where the average age of Democratic chairmen will be about 68.5, a year older than the Republican leaders who are losing their majority status.

AP file named /geriatric_democrats

Remedial: Arrows, Stops.

  • When you see an arrow painted on the parking lot, see if you can figure out which end is the pointy end. Go the way the pointy end points.
  • At a 4-way stop, everybody stops. That's why they don't call them 4-way freakin' goes.

Thanks for your attention.

Yeah! Let's see those damn Joneses keep up with this!

This house at the north end of town on Route 7 in Pittsford is covered in Christmas lights from top to bottom and from end to end.

Hey, dude, even this is better than Iowa.

(12-23) 04:00 PST Sacramento -- Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's plan to ship thousands of California inmates to prisons in other states to reduce overcrowding is faltering because few prisoners -- some intimidated by powerful gangs -- have volunteered to move.

Tennessee, on the other hand, is really cool!
To help drum up interest, the administration is showing a 20-minute video in prisons across the state featuring interviews with a handful of inmates who have moved to a Tennessee lockup. The video includes prisoners praising their new home for amenities such as cable television and better hot meals, as well as access to educational classes that are largely unavailable in California prisons.

"We have ESPN,'' says one inmate with a tattoo of barbed wire running around his neck as he looks into the camera.

Blind guy banned from driving. For drink.

Errr, no, it was the other guy who was drink.
A virtually blind New Zealand man has been banned from driving after taking the wheel from a drink driver.

Or maybe the guy who wrote the story was a little drink. But not the judge, though. He was stone cold sober, banned the blind guy from driving for two years.

Come to think of it, though, this might be a really, really great line.
But Officer, we did have a designated driver. But he was blind.

That just might work! If the cop is drink enough.

Feel the warmth!

"People are warming to the realization that some sort of surge is necessary," said another military official.
And he ain't talkin extra batteries, although that would be a good idea too! [Note: Get extra batteries.]

No, it's just a warmy-warmy time of year, Christmas, isn't it? Don't you feel it? All kind of nice and, I don't know, surgey?

I thought you could. And to think I was just reading only five minutes ago (wasn't I?) how the DOOFUS and the generals were "feuding," but now look - they're just all huggy and surgey and warm. Ain't that nice?

Everybody's all warm and huggy except, the Chicago Tribune says here, the grinchy Democrats, many of whom "favor a blue-ribbon commission's recommendation for a gradual withdrawal." And possibly some members of the late Iraq Study Group who are all grumpy about being demoted to just another faceless, nameless "blue-ribbon commission."

But hey, it's Christmas and it's all about the surge.

12.22.2006

Get listening.

It's not too early to start working on your New Year's podcast list. Here's a list to start with.


(All the above are available from the iTunes Music Store as well.)




In China, government goes with the packaging.

BEIJING, Dec 21 (Reuters Life!) - Police in central China have scotched a wine maker's plans for a mass Christmas Eve "nude run" which the company said was a public interest event to discourage the use of "excessive packaging" in the industry....

"The goal of this streaking event is to raise consumer awareness and declare war on the excessive packaging of 'baijiu' through the language of the body," the report quoted a manager surnamed Ma as saying.

"Baijiu" is a type of grain-based spirit popular in China, and often given as an elaborately packaged gift in the lead-up to Chinese New Year....

"Public commercial events ... must meet moral standards," CCTV quoted a police official as saying. "Such mass streakings do not."

So much for that idea.

In season's spirit, court extends helping hand to needy...wait...Exxon Mobile?

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- A federal appeals court on Friday cut in half a $5 billion jury award for punitive damages against Exxon Mobil Corp. in the 1989 Valdez oil spill that smeared black goo across roughly 1,500 miles of Alaskan coastline.

Yeah, that's what it says. Imagine.
The company, whose $36.1 billion in earnings last year were the highest ever by any U.S. corporation, said it has spent more than $3 billion to settle federal and state lawsuits and to clean the Prince William Sound area. The company earned about $5 billion when the spill occurred.

In October, Exxon Mobil reported earnings of $10.49 billion in the third quarter, the second-largest quarterly profit ever recorded by a publicly traded U.S. company.

Exxon did not immediately return calls seeking comment.

Probably couldn't pay their phone bill.

Sort of just makes you all teary-eyed, doesn't it?

NAJAF, Iraq, Dec 20 (Reuters) - Iraqi soldiers bit the heads off frogs and ate the heart of a rabbit as signs of courage on Wednesday at a ceremony to transfer Najaf province, home to one of Shi'ite Islam's holiest shrines, from U.S. to Iraqi control.

Which will be really, really handy skills if they ever have to fight frogs and rabbits. Which sounds like the best thing to hope for. Frogs and rabbits, I mean.
One soldier, Corporal Ali Abdul Hasan, said the army needed everything from helicopters to guns. "Some vehicles arrived with parts missing and we have old weapons. They didn't even give us pistols," he said.

I'm doing, and it ain't good.

For those stranded in Denver and flying standby because they were unable to rebook a flight, finding a spot on crowded planes filled with holiday travelers could prove impossible this weekend.

Frontier spokesman Joe Hodas said the airline has 65,000 bumped passengers to move systemwide and the airline is already 90 percent booked for the holidays.

"Do the math," he said.

(AP)

Selective Service to "test machinery," reports AP.

The "readiness exercise" would test the system that randomly chooses draftees by birth date and its network of appeal boards that decide how to deal with conscientious objectors and others who want to delay reporting for duty, Campbell said.

Well, damn. Blogger doesn't seem to want to upload pictures this morning so we'll just have to settle for a little song.
You're in the army now
No use to raise a row;
Shovel and chuck
The goo and the muck,
You're in the army now

(The Big Parade)

So you think you've heard all the stupid questions, is that your problem, Bunky?

Today the New York Times runs a very unusual op-ed: Censored. An essay by former CIA official Flynt Leverett has been thoroughly redacted by the White House. The censored essay — titled "Redacted Version of Original Op-Ed" in case you missed the chunks of blacked-out text throughout — is what remains of an essay criticizing Bush's policies toward Iran. According to the Times, it elected to run the redacted version after the White House claimed that portions were classified (this, please note, is after the CIA, which has cleared over 20 other pieces by Leverett, cleared the entire piece). Wednesday, Rep. Louise Slaughter sent a letter to Bush asking whether the redactions were politically motivated.

(Eat the Press)

Man, that's worse than asking Santa if he wouldn't mind spending the winter in southern California this year. I mean, have you seen that guy? He must be almost as old as me. And I can barely manage winter in Massachusetts. North Pole? Think not. Duh.

And Louise, Louise. Politically motivated? The DOOFUSbunker? Come on. What. You thought they meant it, all that yapping about "freedom"? Hon, they hate your freedom more than Osama does. More than Saddam ever did. More than Rummy, even. They kicked him out. Rummy, I mean. Can you believe?

But good on you for asking anyway. And good on the New York Times for printing the evidence.

12.21.2006

Oh sure there is. But thanks for playing.

"There simply is not enough digital marketing talent in the world," Kenny said.

Ah, Bunky, back in the day, back in the dawn of time, before fire, before the wheel, before the World Wide Web even, there was the Internet and it was emphatically non-commercial. Bulletin boards erupted in raging flame wars over the mere mention of an employer's name. Never mind your pop-up Flash.

And it was good. Geeks occupied themselves with wonderful, exciting things, like scooting around with something called "Gopher" and finding fascinating files about...well, I don't know, I never found any myself, but hey. And there was FTP! And IRC! And Telnet and email, of course. And who could forget ping?

But now...now. Blogs. YouTube. Internet telephones and video IM. Downloadable music and movies (yes! even legal!). Audiobooks and podcasts. And email of course. With smileys. All because of that "digital marketing" stuff. Well partly, anyway.

What's the world coming to, I wonder.

OK, who told these kids?

LONDON (Reuters) - Father Christmas was forced to swap his traditional red and white hat for protective headgear after children pelted him with mince pies in Scotland....

He said a gang of local "neds," or yobs, threw the pies before running off. Last year, the centre's Father Christmas was set upon by youths calling a him a "fraud and a fake."

Mince pies?

Hightower finds a bright spot in foreign policy.

At last, George W is getting the hang of foreign policy. Yes, he badly botched Afghanistan and has made a bloody mess of Iraq – but, by gollies, in North Korea, it looks like he's finally at the top of his game....

And, now, W is stepping boldly into the historical spotlight with an equally-novel tactic to bring Kim Jong to his knees: toy deprivation.

Read it all.

Now, now, let's not get snippy, Leszek.

A group of Polish MPs have called for Jesus to be named King of Poland.

The 46 MPs from the ruling Law and Justice (PiS) party, the coalition League of Polish Families (LPR) party and the Polish Peasants Party (PSL) signed a petition backing the move this week.

Retorted Archbishop Leszek Slawoj Glodz:
"MPs should pray and suffer, so that they will be remembered fondly."

Well. On second thought, Amen.

(Ananova)

YA YAME Too Late award...

...to Dick Morris.

Too Late

Media Matters reports:
On the December 18 edition of Fox News' Hannity & Colmes, guest host Karen Hanretty asked Fox News political analyst Dick Morris if he was "proposing a ticket of [Sen.] Hillary Clinton [D-NY], [Sen.] Barack Obama [D-IL]," for the Democratic presidential nomination, to which Morris replied: "I'm not proposing it. I'm leaving the country if this happens." Morris added, "I do not want Hillary Clinton controlling the FBI and the IRS and the CIA and the DEA."

Shoulda thought of that when you were trashing the Bill of Rights, nitwit.

Too late now.

Look, just keep it on your side of the Mississippi, OK?

I mean, first Seattle gets its lights put out and now there's a big snowstorm in Colorado...travelers stranded, Aurora declares emergency, malls close, Nutcracker canceled (but "Parks and Rec" holds a sledding party, yea Parks and Rec!). Let's get it together out there, huh?

We are all blobbers now.

Whiplash! I go to bed last night Person of the Year (yeah, you too...everybody, I guess...You...even this moron Joseph Rago from the Wall Street Journal) and wake up a blobber (a sobriquet formulated 8.36 instants ago by Shakespeare's Sister here), a member of the Blog Mob and blogs, Rago says, are "written by fools to be read by imbeciles." Yeah. You too, you You. I'm sorry, I really am. I tried an Asprin but it doesn't help. Rago, himself, is a "journalist."
The blogs are not as significant as their self-endeared curators would like to think. Journalism requires journalists, who are at least fitfully confronting the digital age. The bloggers, for their part, produce minimal reportage. Instead, they ride along with the MSM like remora fish on the bellies of sharks, picking at the scraps.

Whoa! What's up with that!

True enough, there are plenty of tasty scraps on the bellies of the so-called MSM - yum! - and yeah, I suppose the Wall Street freakin Journal requires journalists although that's not entirely clear, I'll just have to take your word for it, Rago. But how exactly does that apply to me? I don't see no "journalist" in my profile there. Do you?

"The technology of ink on paper is highly advanced, and has over centuries accumulated a major institutional culture that screens editorially for originality, expertise and seriousness," Rago whines (expertly and seriously), but...
Of course, once a technosocial force like the blog is loosed on the world, it does not go away because some find it undesirable. So grieving over the lost establishment is pointless, and kind of sad. But democracy does not work well, so to speak, without checks and balances. And in acceding so easily to the imperatives of the Internet, we've allowed decay to pass for progress.

Sheesh. If I didn't have to work this morning I would just, so to speak, go back to bed.

12.20.2006

Cheese Wiz never, but taco sauce two years.

From the ever-innovating Kitchens of YAME, in cooperation with A Joke Too Far, comes this indispensable culinary aid...
A Table of Condiments That Periodically Go Bad.

Gearing up for a more comfy war.

An eight-month [cost: classified] remodeling project will transform the DOOFUSbunker "situation room" from the old dump Henry Kissinger once called "uncomfortable, unaesthetic and essentially oppressive" into a tasteful, cherry wood and cream fabric suite resembling a law firm or corporate board room - but "much more plug-and-play," says bunker deputy chief of staff Joe Hagin. The DOOFUSdigs will feature a lead-lined cabinet for visitors' cell phones and BlackBerrys, glass-encased phone booths, high-definition TV screens with split-screen technology, unobtrusively ceiling-mounted cameras, microphones, and speakers, and theater-style seating for "watch officers" who are, I don't know, watching the other officers I guess. And a "surge room," whatever the hell that is.

Oh, and "gleaming wood in-boxes" for DOOFUSbuddies Karl Rove, Dan Bartlett, and Tony Snowjob.

So who says war is hell? They'll probably even have indoor plumbing, would be my guess.

Bulletins from the bunker.

At a "press" conference in the DOOFUSbunker (in the Indian Treaty Room - what does that do to your confidence level, dude?) the DOOFUS said...
This war on terror is the calling of a new generation; it is the calling of our generation. Success is essential to securing a future of peace for our children and grandchildren. And securing this peace for the future is going to require a sustained commitment from the American people and our military.

And...
I encourage you all to go shopping more.

Also...
I wish you all a happy holiday.

Yeah, he said that too.

We're screwed.

So you think it's almost over. Is that your problem, Bunky?

Well, it's not. In fact when you stumble out of bed New Year's Day you will have only 28 short days to get ready for Bubble Wrap® Appreciation Day.

That's right, Bunky, it's January 29 this year!

So let's get popping.

Like in a nightmare or something?

"If a girl shows up at a shoot and she's too skinny, a good stylist can pose her so that the reader doesn't have as much of a sense of it," said Lucky editor in chief Kim France. But, she added,
"There are angles at which a girl's arm can look haunting."

What? Sounds a little spooky to me. But hey, Lucky magazine is the magazine about shopping, so I guess Kim France would know. And then there's some magazine called Allure (The Beauty Expert) where editor in chief Linda Wells says...
"When the film comes to me, I realize I don't want to see hip bones and ribs in the magazine."

So maybe hip bones and ribs are haunting too. Because they're all connected after all. Or maybe not. Haunting, I mean, not connected. Is that good or bad?

Well, whatever. It appears that fashionable editors are now photoshopping models to make them look fatter. Styles may come and go, dude, but Photoshop is forever.

Because women are never hot enough the way they are.

If only we could settle all our problems this easier.

There is a better way to treat people, and there's a better way to deal with the issue of finding workers Americans are not doing, to fill on a temporary basis. And, therefore, there [sic] need -- and that in itself will take pressure off our border. In other words, if people feel like they can come in on a temporary, legal basis, they're not going to have to sneak in, which in itself does away with -- that in itself does away with this kind of underground industry that has sprung up.
...says the DOOFUS in a WaPo interview published today.


Any questions?

Decorate around it.

Found a tree on your roof? It's yours!
Whether the tree or the splintered limb that crashed into your house belongs to you, your neighbor or the city, experts say you're still responsible for the damage -- unless the other person knew something was wrong and didn't do anything about it....

according to Seattle PI, which also advises...
Beware of people who knock at your door offering to help you.

12.19.2006

I say it's Rudolph and I say the hell with it.

GLENVIEW, Ill. - Just in time for Christmas, they’re selling reindeer hot dogs in suburban Chicago.

With grilled onions and mustard, it will cost you eight dollars at Fred Markoff’s hot dog stand in Glenview.

Say what?

Romney against bias to gays despite opposition to gay marriage

When monumentally stupid headlines are written, they will be published in the Boston Globe.

No need to read the story. Shakespeare's Sister has it pretty well pegged right here...
Romney's playing an infuriating little game whereby opposition to same-sex marriage can't possibly be considered discriminatory because marriage isn't meant to be for anyone aside from one man and one woman in the first place so not extending it to gays isn't discriminatory, by gum, it's just the way it has to be by definition, that's all. (And hence granting it would be granting "special rights.") Such reasoning, of course, is manifest bullshit, the same kind of rubbish spewed by defenders of all manner of discrimination, right back to slavery, because freedom was only meant for certain people.

But really, what more do we expect from Mitt ("Mitt")?

The Globe, however, really ought to do a little better.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Donald Trump soft on bedhopping.

Surprised?
"I've always been a believer in second chances," Trump, who owns the Miss Universe Organization with NBC, said with Conner at his side.

Indeed. And anyway one gets the impression from reading the AP's report that the charges against Tara Conner, ex-former Miss USA, have been reduced to just underage drinking around.
"I think Tara is going to be the great comeback kid," Trump said.

Kate Fleming: RIP

A casualty of the Seattle area flooding last week was actress Kate Fleming, who drowned in her basement studio Thursday night. Fleming, a partner in Cedar House Audio, recorded more than 200 audiobooks, most under the pseudonym Anna Fields. She was the winner, in 2004, of the Audie Award for her recording of Ruth Ozeki's, "All over Creation." Among other readings listed by Audible.com are Sylvia Nasar's "A Beautiful Mind," Daniel Hecht's "City of Masks," Molly Ivins's "Bushwhacked," Joyce Carol Oates' "The Falls," and Ozeki's "My Year of Meats."

She read with intelligence, imagination, and passion. She will be missed.

Well OK, but extra points for that Jugends-thing.

A music review on Nov. 29 about “La Passion de Simone,” at the Jugendstiltheater in Vienna, misspelled the surname of the subject of the work at one point. She was Simone Weil, not Weill.

Correction to the New York Times.

Yeah it was a great, great century, that 19th.


The US Army is considering measures to force striking workers back to their jobs at a Goodyear Tire & Rubber plant in Kansas in the face of a looming shortage of tyres for Humvee trucks and other military equipment used in Iraq and Afghanistan.

A strike involving 17,000 members of the United Steelworkers union has crippled 16 Goodyear plants in the US and Canada since October 5.


Story: MSNBC Image: "Great Railroad Strike of 1877," Wikipedia

But questions worth asking, cards or no.

David Sirota, posting at Working for Change, discusses "billionaire Tom" Friedman's love afair with, among other things, the "globally integrated economy"...
He doesn't want us wondering why the global economy has been integrated with complex intellectual, patent and copyright protections, but no similar protections for wages, human rights, or environmental concerns. Because, you see, if we asked those questions, his entire premise would collapse like a house of cards.

Is it too late to announce a Dumbass of the Year award?

Probably, given the enormous number of candidates to sort through. From the Union Leader, for example, via Kevin Drum and a new blog on our expanding Reader, Avedon Carol's The Slideshow...
Gingrich cited last month's ejection of six Muslim scholars from a plane in Minneapolis for suspicious behavior, which included reports they prayed before the flight and had sat in the same seats as the Sept. 11 hijackers.

"Those six people should have been arrested and prosecuted for pretending to be terrorists," Gingrich said.

So, yeah, if you scare Newt you're a terrorist and belong in jail.

On the other hand, if you scare me you're a newt.

12.18.2006

Way to go, Gus!

Christmas story from Reuters ends with this heartwarming bit:
Staff at a riding school [in Ireland] were forced to postpone festivities after Gus the camel, who was to star in the Christmas show, chomped his way through 200 mince pies and several cans of Guinness stout beer intended for their party.

Ad agency crashes, explodes.

Only flash ad remains.

There'll always be an England.

Children's presenter Christopher Lillicrap, who is directing Sleeping Beauty at Worthing's Connaught Theatre, said: "How daft can you get?

Not a bad question for a guy named Lillicrap (well, come on, he probably didn't pick it himself).

What Christopher - let's just call him Christopher, OK? - is bitching about is the management of a Worthing, West Sussex, theater's deciding to abort the long-standing custom of throwing candy to children in the audience. "Might make them sick," say the bosses.

"Nanny state gone mad," Christopher insists.

Dodging that particular bullet, the "Preston Playhouse, in Lancs, revealed last week they stopped throwing out sweets - in case children were hit, reports the Sun" (reports Ananova).

How about ePhone then? oPhone?

The iPhone is here! Oh wait, not the one you were thinking of.

Cisco's Linksys division rolled out a new line of VoIP devices, including handsets, dubbed the iPhone.

OK, aPhone then. It's not a magic "i," is it?

Yeah, well, maybe it is. Anyway, as everybody knows, Apple is definitely, absolutely, without question rumored to be announcing a phone thing sometime perhaps soon. Or a phone-and-iPod thing more like. But that won't be enough. What we need is a phone-iPod-PDA-Gameboy-camera-flashlight thing with a tiny emergency coffee maker built in. Now that would be worth hauling around.

Only thing is, if any one of those things goes bad or even just gets out of date (which is scheduled to happen a week from Tuesday) you have to walk around with something old and stodgy in your pocket or buy a whole new thing. So what we really need is a great big bag to put all the thingamabob whatchamacallits in, and a great big sign, "Please, please don't steal this bag because it contains everything in the word I own, plus spare socks."

Or better yet, one of those belt buckles Batman has. You know, the one that has all the gadgets in it. Zap. Whatever you need.

We could call it an iBuckle, maybe.

To the surprise of absolutely no one.

Of the few options in Iraq, Bush unerringly selects the worst.

Let the Guerrilla explain.

Standards-based tracking of criteria concepts to confuse the hell out of everybody in Vermont.

"I think a standards-based progress report says everybody should be able to meet these standards," says Bill Olsen, assistant principal at Rutland Middle School.
Depending on the school or subject, concepts rather than a single subject are assessed on a three- or four-point numerical system. A higher score usually is equivalent to higher performance. A one means the student is not proficient or is not meeting standards; a two is equivalent to progressing toward the standard; a three means the student has met the standard. If and when a school uses a four, it demonstrates a student exceeds the standard....

explains the Rutland Herald, helpfully.

But Principal Ruth Ann Barker of Clarendon Elementary says, "I think there's still a lot of confusion about what we're doing."
"I hope that things can remain somewhat static for a while, because there's been terrific change — every few years things shift," said Barker of Clarendon. "If the state wants to set learning standards, perhaps they want to set up a report card for us."

Which will no doubt clarify things beyond repair.

But Who is still on first.

A previous version of this story incorrectly said researchers had found that trans fats lower the amount of LDL, or "good" blood cholesterol, and increase HDL, or "bad" cholesterol. LDL is "bad" cholesterol and HDL is the "good" cholesterol.

(Correction to the December 6 Seattle Times.)

Never mind the heat. What happens when all the iPods run down?

Now that's grim.
Officials with Seattle City Light last evening said 18,000 customers were still in the dark but that their goal was to get that number down to 18,000 or fewer by midnight.

Wait. Let's read that again.
Officials with Seattle City Light last evening said 18,000 customers were still in the dark but that their goal was to get that number down to 18,000 or fewer by midnight.

Yup, that's what it says.

Even more grim that I thought.

What sounds icky but smells good?

Why, it's petrified whale barf, of course. Otherwise known as ambergris, it's often an ingredient in fine perfumes. It's rare and therefore valuable - the four pounds of ambergris (if that's really what it is) Dorothy Ferreira got from her sister for Christmas this year might be worth as much as $18,000, reports the New York Times this morning. But here's the catch. Some "endangered species legislation" dating back to the 1970s makes buying and selling the stuff illegal.

Which doesn't make much sense, does it? I mean, if this whale vomit is so valuable (sometimes it's called "floating gold") you'd want to keep the whales alive and puking, wouldn't you? That'd be unendangering, seems too me, but hey, Bunky, it's a law and laws don't need to make no sense.

Anyway, let's hope it's not illegal to give the stuff away or Dorothy's siser, who lives in Waterloo, Iowa, is in a heap of trouble now, assuming anybody knows where Iowa is. I might have seen it once myself - Iowa, I mean, not whale barf - on the other end of a bridge in Galena but I was too darn lazy to walk across and make sure. Anyway, whatever it was, it looked more like South Dakota than Illinois.

Whale barf looks sort of like a big green thing. If I really wanted to rub something behind my ears I'm not sure that would be it.

12.17.2006

Colin Powell

"I am not persuaded that another surge of troops into Baghdad for the purposes of suppressing this communitarian violence, this civil war, will work."

But he wasn't a pilot, was he? Powell, I mean. So that makes all the difference.

(Quote from Face the Nation, 12/17/06)

No longer sleepless in Seattle.

As power remains off for many the PI reports...
Congestion was so bad on streets leading to Bellevue Square, and in the Overlake area, that it was not uncommon to see people pounding their fists on steering wheels, yelling for someone else to go, honking -- or flipping off another driver who went out of turn.

Sounds like fun. But what are you gonna do when you have no lights and the sun goes down?

No, the other thing.

Sleep! Right!

Oh, never mind.

Good call, Mom.

"This gives her a way to talk to me without having to talk to me...."

...says super cool mom Lynne O'Connell about texting her teenaged daugher, Annie, in this morning's Boston Globe.

And next...buzzblogs.

Here's a story from this morning's New York Times about am A.C. Nielsen unit called "BuzzMetrics" that, along with several other companies having less nimble PR agencies, monitors blogs and bulletin boards and web sites...no, wait..."drill down into rich veins of extemporaneous word-of-mouth commentary and conversation" is what they do...in pursuit of "one of the corporate world’s holy grails," branding!
“The days of sitting behind the focus-group wall are going the way of the buggy whip,” said Mike Nazzaro, BuzzMetrics’ president and chief operating officer. “We are fundamentally changing the way marketing and market research will be done in the future. We’re providing guidance to marketing decisions that was never possible.”

Indeed.
[As the computer maker Dell discovered....] The company’s level of service and quality was denounced by bloggers this year, and the complaints found broad exposure when one popular media site added its critical voice.

At the same time, positive word of mouth magnified by the Internet can be a boon, as Toyota discovered with its hybrid Prius sedan, which has been praised by admirers on sites created just for that purpose.

Imagine the possibilities.

Sort of like anti-matter...

Here's some anti-news:
Bush Iraq Course May Diverge from Study Group

(From ABC)

You?

Wait a minute. Are they kidding here? You?

Whoa. Hey. I've been noticing those headlines for what seems like a couple of days but never bothered to read the articles because I thought they were either lame jokes or some mysterious epidemic of blogger nicey-nicey - but this morning I did read one of the article and, well, not to put to fine a point on it, holy shit! Time magazine "person of the year": You.

Yeah, right. Any serious candidates they could come up with were either politically unacceptable (Ahmadinejad, Chavez) or just plain jerks (the list goes on). So what did they go with? Hey, wait, here's an idea - let's pick You.

Yeah. If you want to know who they think You are (is?), here's a sampling.

Lies, damn lies, and statistics.

Here's a graph purporting to show (I haven't reviewed the data myself) there's an inverse relationship between wine consumption (the red line) and violent crime (the green) in the US.

So, bottoms up.

Wine and United States-Total

Oh wait. "Correlation does not imply causation." Wouldn't ya know.

Swallow a frog first thing in the morning and you'll know the worst part of your day is already in the past.

But when the first story you read contains the funniest line you're likely to see all day, well, that's depressing, is what it is.
SAN DIEGO (AP) -- A Southern California fence-building company and two executives pleaded guilty Thursday to knowingly hiring illegal immigrants and agreed to pay a combined penalty of $5 million. The executives could also go to prison.

No, that's not the funny part. Sure, it's amusing when executives go to jail, and it's even more amusing when those executives in trouble for hiring illegal immigrants turn out to be executives of a company - Golden State Fence - that helped build a border fence in San Diego a few years back. But what's really funny is what Richard Hirsch, an attorney for the illegal immigrant-hiring, border fence-building Golden State Fence had to say about the matter:
"People slip through the cracks and that's what happens."

12.16.2006

Mollycoddling has gone too far.

After two years in which the military sought to manage terrorism suspects at Guantánamo with incentives for good behavior, steady improvements in their living conditions and even dialogue with prison leaders, the authorities here have clamped down decisively in recent months.

Security procedures have been tightened. Group activities have been scaled back. With the retrofitting of Camp 6 and the near-emptying of another showcase camp for compliant prisoners, military officials said about three-fourths of the detainees would eventually be held in maximum-security cells. That is a stark departure from earlier plans to hold a similar number in medium-security units.

(NYTimes)

I feel so betrayed.

Unfortunately, my favorite horrid Christmas album,

Steve and Edie’s Christmas in Las Vegas,

is a myth, a threat I thought up to try to clear out a party that was going on too long...

writes olvlzl at Echnide of the Snakes. And all this time I thought...

Oh well. That reminds me. I need to get my iPod re-synced before too long so I can listen to my own Christmas music collection:
  • "This Time of Year," by the inestimable Sophie Milman
  • The entire album, "A Charlie Brown Christmas," by the Vince Guaraldi Trio
  • And five - count 'em, five - renditions of "The Christmas Song" (Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...) by Barbara Streisand, Lou Rawls, Nat "King" Cole and Natalie Cole, Mel Tormé, and Ella Fitzgerald, respectively.

If you know something better try to forget it. Or you might be next.

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Bush administration is clamping down on scientists at the U.S. Geological Survey, who study everything from caribou mating to global warming, subjecting them to controls on research that might go against official policy.

Wellllll...

The gift may be especially appropriate for bosses and in-laws, Bobby C. said.

The gift? Reindeer poop. OK, OK, it's only chocolate covered peanuts, really, packaged with a label that says...
"You've been naughty so here's the scoop, all you get is reindeer poop."

So at least that's something. And it's for a good cause - the newspaper's "Warm the Children" charity.
"We have these special gloves that we wear and we scoop out 4 ounces of the reindeer poop in each bag," quipped Robert "Bobby C." Campbell [a local DJ].

I don't know, Bobby. In-laws? Ya think?

So whaddya want, a warranty?

A conference! Oh that's a good idea.

BAGHDAD, Iraq — Iraq's army has "opened its doors" to all former members of Saddam Hussein's army, the prime minister said Saturday, as the Shiite-dominated government reached out to Sunni Arabs for help in curbing the rampant violence in the country....

His comments came as the Iraqi government convened a national reconciliation conference aimed at rallying ethnic, religious and political groups around a common strategy for handling Iraq's problems.

Or why not try a study group? How about an Insurgency Study Group - that'd fix things right up.

Good morning, Seattle.



Update: The Seattle bureau reports large sections of Seattle and suburbs dark since Thursday night with scattered exceptions - some gas stations still operating, some Starbucks stores still open, so at least the essentials of life are still available. But lines at Starbucks run to 100 long as people wake up to the horrible reality they can't make coffee at home. Bummer. Need fix. Hand-cranked cell phones. No YouTube. Primative primitive [see rule 4 - Ed]. Seattle PI misses first day in 70 years - Saturday edition available free online here (web version here). Guessing power may be back by Tuesday [unless FEMA gets involved - Ed.].

But see, the nice thing about being a guy like James Dobson is wondering is something you don't have to do.

"James Dobson should start to wonder," the activist stated in a release, "if there is something inherently wrong with his stance on gay issues if the only way he can support his positions is outright lying."

Bedhopping?

The Miss Universe Organisation said yesterday that it was evaluating Miss Conner’s “behavioural and personal issues” after media reports that she had been drinking her way around a string of trendy New York bars and bedhopping her way across the city.

Not that there's anything new about that. But there are "moral rules," says spokesbimbo Lark-Marie Anton, which I only mention because Lark-Marie is such an excellent spokesbimbo name. Otherwise, come to think of it, there wouldn't be much reason for mentioning any of this, would there?

(Photo: 1001 Nacht; Verlag Wilhelm Borngräber; Berlin 1913; S.143; Wikimedia Commons.)