12.30.2006

Hey! No! I never said that!

DARTMOOR, United Kingdom--After years of being dismissed as effete, the magical creatures known as pixies have begun a campaign to transform their image.

"Pixies aren't pansies," said pixie spokesperson Jack Thistle, the bells on the ends of his shoes tinkling in anger.

I mean really, these guys sound serious.
Instead of souring churnfuls of milk or luring travelers astray with dancing lights, the so-called 'New Pixie' threatens to remove fizz from beer and disrupt football broadcasts....

Hopefully, it won't come to that. The tiny creatures have already made some progress with their new image, often finding employment as bouncers at nightclubs.

Wee little pansy nightclubs, I guess.

Oooops.

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