Is Elizabeth Warren bugging out?

Sure, she gave that Wells Fargo CEO a hard time and he richly deserved it. That’s good.

But here’s the thing. That scandal at the bank, which involved more than 5,000 employees, exitended over five years—five years—while all the time the government was telling us what a great thing it was to bail out the banking industry with taxpayer money and, not tp worry, the Congress and the regulators were making sure those nice banks would never misbehave again and so, well, sure a lot of people lost jobs and houses and pensions but never mind, it was worth it. Meanwhile, there was Wells Fargo picking the suckers’ pockets with both hands. What words does Ms. Warren have for the Congress and the regulators and the whole, sacrosanct Obama Administration on this subject?

I’m hearing crickets.

FBI Friday is not a restaurant in the 'burbs

Obama used pseudonym to talk with Hillary on private server | New York Post

It’s sort of touching, really. The cluelessness of it all. Boneheaded, but cute. Too bad they weren’t using secret decoder rings as well.

Clearly, Obama knew Clinton’s server was insecure. Why else would he feel the need for a disguise? And apparently he thought using a code name would obscure his real identity; How well did that work out?

The Lesser of Two Evils is not good enough.

Saturday

I crashed my back a few days ago and I've been hobbling around on a stick ever since. It's getting better. But maybe it would get better better if I just stayed off it for the rest of the weekend. So I made myself a vat of pea soup, laid in some chips and peanut butter cookies, and I'm settling in to—well, I hesitate to admit this but as long as I'm being all confessional and stuff—settling in to watch UMASS play football later this afternoon.

If you're interested, it's at 3:30 PM Real time on ESPN37 or 38, I don't remember which. If you're not, I understand.

The horror! (No, the Onion.)

Teens Throwing Rocks At Overgrown, Long-Vacant Supreme Court Seat - The Onion - America's Finest News Source from The Onion's Tweet

Wait, what?

When Does A Presidential Candidate’s Mental Health Matter? 

 

There's always The Tweak

UPS testing drones for use in its package delivery system - Western Mass News - WGGB/WSHM

"Newly revised federal aviation regulations don't permit commercial drones to fly over people not involved in their operations and require them to remain within line of sight of their operators, effectively rendering commercial deliveries impossible. Drone-makers are working with regulators to tweak existing rules."

Otherwise this is pretty cool, no? They can drone something to my place any time they want to. 

Siri is starting to remind me of some kid who works at a fast-food shop

OK, I confess: I ask Siri to set the timer on my iPhone when I’m making tea. There. I said it and I’m glad.

Siri, however, has difficulty parsing the instruction, “Set a timer for four minutes.” It somehow thinks—not always but very often—I’m saying for Foreman.

So we have this exchange:

ME: Set a timer for four minutes.

SIRI: For how long?

See what I mean?

Pretty impressive there, Siri

I dictated the headline to the previous post (see below): "And it's on its way here!" Siri got both the itses right, first try. That's an A.

And it's on its way here!

Scientists finally figured out the source of this bizarre, glowing space 'blob' - The Washington Post

Let's run with it!

Robert Kennedy Would Have Hated Donald Trump - POLITICO Magazine 

It seems to be happening again

Now I'm going to have to recharge my shoes too?

Nike's Self-Tying Trainers Finally Have A Release Date from Esquire Style's Tweet

Available for try-on and purchase appointments starting on November 28, the HyperAdapt 1.0 uses a pressure sensor, a rechargeable lithium-polymer battery…

Seriously? If the power goes down, I'll have to walk to my electric car in my bare feet?

Dementia?

I Was RFK's Speechwriter. Now I'm Voting for Trump. Here's Why. - POLITICO Magazine from POLITICO's Tweet

Oh, war. Well, it's a thought. 

You say that like it's a bad thing

Smoking cigarettes can cause permanent genetic damage to DNA - CBS News from CBS News's Tweet

Mercy

Horse named Mercy freed from septic tank by rescue workers from AP Oddities's Tweet

We're No. 1!

Study says Massachusetts highways rank among worst performing, least cost-effective in the US | masslive.com from Western MA News's Tweet

(Maybe you too.)

No pressure though

Rookie quarterbacks everywhere are making their mark. Except No. 1 pick Jared Goff.
The Washington Post

It wasn't supposed to be a year of first-year signal-callers in the NFL, but it's quickly turning out that way. With one notable exception. Read the full story

What if they held an election and nobody showed up?

Sweet: Focus group on Trump, Clinton: 'The public hates both' | Chicago Sun-Times

"I was observing a focus group in Alexandria, a suburb in the battleground state of Virginia, just a few miles from the White House."

[The Sweet in this story is the excellent Chicago Sun-Times political reporter Lynn Sweet.]

This is pretzel making at its finest

Wells Fargo has one heck of a scandal on its hands
Business Insider

Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf testifies to the Senate banking committee. Win McNamee/Getty Images Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf endured a nearly three-hour questioning from the US Senate banking committee on Tuesday. Stumpf was constantly taken to task by senators, both Democratic and Republican, for the scandal in which Wells Fargo employees opened roughly 2 million checking and credit accounts without customers' knowledge. 

Stumpf also has a difficult task before him: showing that he is accountable without bearing the brunt of the blame.

Essentially, Stumpf's argument is that he accepts responsibility for the scandal, but that senior executives did not create a culture that encouraged the type of behavior that led to employees opening 2 million false accounts.

Read the full story

Look those knots!

Everything—everything, Bunky—is a marketing opportunity (Get your free trial bottle now)

Fox News: Dr Recommended ED Permanent Solution for All Men

 

Oh, horsefeathers

What fresh hell is this, said Dorothy Parker.

I have gone from not being able to remember people's names to not being able to remember people, when I know their names. This morning it took me a full two minutes to recover who Andy Warhol is. He isn't, it turns out, but he was. Some art guy.

This is a whole new level of depressing.

This guy should get into politics

Exploding Galaxy Note 7 phones are apparently Apple's fault | New York Post

All of the chatter ahead of Apple's new iPhone launch suggested that this year's new iPhone lineup was going to be boring and dull. As a result, Samsung thought it could rush out the new Galaxy Note 7 and steal Apple's thunder with a gorgeous design and some hot new features like a built-in iris scanner.

https://goo.gl/ftCGn3

I've been having flashbacks

Hard-partying finance crook pardoned by Clinton facing new accusations | New York Post

Edward Downe Jr., the New York bon vivant who was convicted of insider trading and then secured a controversial presidential pardon from Bill Clinton, is being accused of financial impropriety again.

https://goo.gl/1v5QY0

Oh no! (And I'm not talking about Brangelina here.)

I am reliably informed by a commercial on CNN that said network plans to begin its Live Coverage! of Monday next's First Presidential Debate! at 4:00 PM Eastern time, otherwise known in these parts as Real time when the actual live event CNN will be Live Covering! doesn't itself begin until 9. That's five freaking hours of pre-live Live Covering!, in case you were wondering. Blather, in other words.

Really.

It's bad enough…

Bills would defend consumers' right to leave bad reviews

"That's in response to some businesses that have made customers sign non-disparagement clauses and then sued if a bad review showed up."

…that Congress gets involved in passing laws about Yelping. (Do you yelp? I don’t pay much attention to it myself because keeping my various dining options sorted out does not require high-end technological assistance.) 

But the idea idea that people are being asked to sign non-disparagement contracts while ordering a burger, or whatever other yelpable activity they’re engaged in, is freaking priceless. 

It's a twofer!

Former President George H. W. Bush will vote for Hillary Clinton - NY Daily News

"'The President told me he’s voting for Hillary,' wrote Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy's oldest child, in an apparently private Facebook post obtained by Politico."

Another Clinton and another Bush! Same package. And all tied up by another Kennedy. 

Be still my heart.

Don't put away those short pants yet

It's a warm day here, warm and swampy. I like warm and swampy. I was born on the swampy side of Indianapolis.

Short pants are a different story. I come from a time long, long ago when short pants were for little boys and big boys wore long pants, and little boys couldn't wait to get their first pair of longs—or, in this case, totally longs.

I've outgrown all that, of course, at least to the point where I can wear short pants on vacations or around the house with the blinds drawn.

Of course I'm always on vacation now, so there's that.

Yep, that's it

Bill Clinton on foundation controversy: 'I trusted the State Department' - POLITICO from POLITICO's Tweet

Clinton also suggested that his wife's unpopularity with voters is due in part to the negative coverage of the ongoing email scandal.

This can't be real, can it?

Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day for Sep 19 is "eclogue":

https://goo.gl/Z4lZPD

Another genius plan shot down

BTW, you can't just move to Canada if your candidate loses - NY Daily News

Here's the reason: Canada doesn't want your hoser ass anywhere near its border.

https://goo.gl/eA1FCt

Nothing left to do now but run out the clock. 

Wait, she had the flu now?

Bill Clinton accidentally downgrades Hillary's diagnosis to 'the flu'

Read more: https://goo.gl/uYsZSm

Oh. Accidentally had the flu. Makes sense. I never heard of anyone intentionally having it.

 Anyway, nobody expects any of these guys to tell the truth, do they? This is just a haha in the news. 

I can't wait

Election Essentials: The final stretch before debates
The Washington Post

The cadidates gear up for the final stretch before the first debate Read the full story

I read a piece the other day (maybe I mentioned it) about how, if you want to know who "won" a debate like this—a political debate—you should watch it with the sound off.

That's what I'm planning to do. 

Aha, so that's it

If a sentence in an email ends in 'J,' it's OK
USA TODAY

Thank Microsoft for a bug in its Outlook software. Read the full story

Wouldn't mind seeing some proof of this

Obama tells Clinton fundraiser U.S. still grapples with powerful women
Reuters

U.S. society is uncomfortable with powerful women and that is why the United States has not yet elected a woman president, President Barack Obama said on Sunday. 

Or this. 

"This should not be a close election, but it will be," Obama said. "And the reason it will be is not because of Hillary's flaws, but rather because, structurally, we've become a very polarized society," he said

Read the full story

Remember when rebels had no causes?

The silliest teen 'rebels' ever | New York Post

"A new study revealed that teenagers are willing to adopt healthy diets as a form of rebellion," says the magazine. "Teens aren't as interested in eating healthy just because it's good for them; they're more willing to change their dietary habits to seem cool, according to the research."

https://goo.gl/m8Wzii

Yeah, you old guys know what I mean.

Hey, how cool is this?

Binary bandit swiping 1's and 0's from home addresses | New York Post

Surveillance video captured one of the bizarre thefts this week, showing a woman casually walk up the front steps of an East Kensington home in the middle of the night and take the 0 from the 2202 address marker on the outside of the residence.

https://goo.gl/uYqcpK

You knew those Russians would screw up in Syria, right?

The UN is holding an emergency meeting after a US-led air strike killed Syrian troops
Business Insider

(Reuters) - U.S.-led coalition air strikes killed dozens of Syrian soldiers on Saturday, Russia and a monitoring group said, putting a U.S.-Russian brokered ceasefire in jeopardy and prompting an emergency U.N. Security Council meeting.

 Read the full story

Wait. What?

A U.S. military official said he was "pretty sure" targets mistakenly hit in the strikes were Syrian forces.

Oh. Well then. 

The end of the dot frack boom?

The curse behind cheap gas in the US

Business Insider

President Obama graciously thanked himself for cheap gasoline at a rally in Philadelphia for Hillary Clinton on Tuesday. … 

According to law firm Haynes and Boone, between January 2015 and July 2016 there were 90 bankruptcies in the U.S. oil and gas sector. A recent report from Debtwire warned that another 135 energy companies are at risk of going under, with their debt load in some cases reaching as much as $14 billion.

Read the full story

From the absurd to the sublime

Best Apple Watch Series 2 Cases: Beautiful Yet Sturdy Cases to Protect Smartwatch
Indabaa

Apple Watch Series 2 is now available at authorized retailers like Best Buy from September 16; this means, many Apple aficionados must have purchased the smartwatch. With the purchase of this premium watch, they should also give a serious thought to the protection of the watch. While Apple Watch Series 2 bands ensure tight grip... Read the full story

No kidding. People are (allegedly) buying cases for their freaking Apple Watches. Why not just strap an iPad to your wrist and be done with it?

How bad can it get?

Pretty bad. Here's an entire story in the Washington Post that's not much more than a string of Trump-authored tweets.

Maureen Dowd says Trump likes the violence at his rallies. He calls her 'crazy.'

The Washington Post

Trump called Dowd "wacky," "crazy" and "a neurotic dope" whose interviews are "boring." Read the full story

And it's not over yet.

You weren't planning to do anything today anyway, were you?

Donald Trump gets the mobile game everyone imagined, and it's amazing
Mashable

The historically unusual 2016 U.S. presidential race has turned into a kind of reality show, so it's only natural that one of its central figures, Donald Trump, now has a mobile game dedicated to his character. SEE ALSO: Donald Trump's new app tries to make personal branding great again Released on Friday, Jrump is a mobile game that challenges you to build walls (yes, really) that help a character that looks remarkably like Trump to jump higher and higher into the sky and eventually into outer space. Read the full story