Can you spell "fat chance"?

End-of-the-World Refund? - NYTimes.com

If the world ends on May 21, will I get a pro-rated refund from The New York Times for my digital subscription?

This might change everything

After all my bitching about the Times paywall (and yes it does still make me grumpy) I signed up for a 2-week trial subscription on my nook. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to keep it at the end but it's getting more and more tempting every day. I'd forgotten how great it is to kick back with a good newspaper and just read for a while.

(I had an uncle in New Jersey who subscribed to five Sunday papers—four from New York City, including the Times, and the Newark News—and every Sunday he would stack them all up beside his favorite chair (if you've seen just the Sunday Times in person you can imagine how high the stack was) and then sit down, put up his feet, and read.)

Plus the electronic version arrives every morning without my having to fetch it from the curb or even put on my shoes.

The book I'm reading right nw, Erik Larson's "In the Garden of Beasts," is 462 pages long; today's (Saturday) Times is 626. I don't know how precise the concept of page is on a nook, but any way you count 'em that's a lot of newspaper.

So it's the hat that matters

What fiscal emergency? - CNN.com

We've long had deficit hawks, but they've usually been creatures of the boardroom and not people who use teabags as headgear.

Ooops

Bomb at Minneapolis airport was just a drill... shame the TSA didn't tell the police | Mail Online

It was a routine bomb drill that had actually gone very well - it was just a shame the TSA failed to tell the police.

'I think a lot of people were alarmed,' Patrick Hogan, spokesman for the Metropolitan Airport Commission, told the Star Tribune of the incident.

Grumpy house

Eyes on you

The always-expanding bipartisan Surveillance State - Glenn Greenwald - Salon.com

This will be the second time that the Democratic Congress -- with the support of President Obama (who once pretended to favor reforms) -- has extended the Patriot Act without any changes.  And note the rationale for why it was done in secret bipartisan meetings:  to ensure "as little debate as possible" and "to avoid a protracted and familiar argument over the expanded power the law gives to the government."  Indeed, we wouldn't want to have any messy, unpleasant democratic debates...

Feel better now?

U.S. government: How to be prepared for zombie apocalypse | The Raw Story

"If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak."

Well then don't stop!

The Year of Living Adulterously - NYTimes.com

A married senator who has an affair with an employee is a jerk. A married senator who has an affair with an employee who is the wife of his chief of staff, and whose adultery is the subject of ongoing discussion at his Congressional prayer group, is Republican.

We haven’t even gotten to Newt Gingrich yet!

 

Moooo

Beef lobby hires students, takes case to campus - Business - Retail - Food Inc. - msnbc.com

Missouri senior Erin Mohler and other members of the school's Collegiate Cattlewomen's club spent a recent afternoon sharing their "Meet Your Meat" message with passing students on a busy pedestrian mall.

Just another rainy day

‘Historic’ budget cuts bill actually increased 2011 spending by $3 billion: CBO | The Raw Story

WASHINGTON – The fiscal 2011 funding bill roundly hailed for its "historic" spending cuts actually raised government spending by more than $3 billion, according to a new report.

And don't forget to leave the money behind

Atheists offer to rescue Christians’ pets after judgment day | The Raw Story

WASHINGTON — When judgment day comes -- which some US Christian fundamentalists insist will happen on Saturday -- have you thought about what you're going to do with the family dog and cat?

In 26 US states, you could have them rescued and adopted by enterprising atheists who have set up a business to care for the animal companions of any Christians who are selected to go to heaven when Jesus Christ comes back.

 

World scheduled to end this weekend?

Mass. bill would require divorcing parents to obtain judge’s approval for sex | The Raw Story

The Massachusetts legislature is conducting hearings Wednesday on a bill that would bar divorcing couples with children from carrying on a sexual relationship while in their own home.

Oh, the mercy.

Feds to eschew obfuscation

Feds must stop writing gibberish under new law - Yahoo! News

Obama signed the Plain Writing Act last fall...

It takes full effect in October, when federal agencies must start writing plainly in all new or substantially revised documents produced for the public. The government will still be allowed to write nonsensically to itself.

 

Is this guy for real?

United Continental integrates its new look at O'Hare - chicagotribune.com

"It's pretty jarring to see the globe on the tail. I do think there would have been a massive mutiny if they got rid of ' Rhapsody in Blue.' For me, (the theme music) is United," said Gary Leff, co-founder of MilePoint.com, a website aimed at frequent fliers...

The "globe on the tail" this guy's talking about is the new United Airline logo - new since its merger with Continental - painted on the tails of airplanes but never mind that. This guy thinks people would stop flying on an airline if the airline changed it's friggin' theme song? Is that possible? Really?

Me too!

Exploding watermelons put spotlight on Chinese farming practices | Environment | The Guardian

The flying pips, shattered shells and wet shrapnel still haunt farmer Liu Mingsuo...

Unclear on the concept

UNDERNEWS: More White House press censorship

Boston Herald -The White House press office has refused to give the Boston Herald full access to President Obama’s Boston fund-raiser today, in e-mails objecting to the newspaper’s front page placement of a Mitt Romney op-ed, saying pool reporters are chosen based on whether they cover the news “fairly.”

Is forgery no longer a crime?

Suburban Guerrilla » Blog Archive » Off register

Out of the 6,100 [mortgage] documents Thigpen examined, 4,500 showed signature irregularities. The name of one DocX employee, Linda Green, who was acting as a vice president for several major banks, was forged 15 different ways on the Guilford County documents, rendering them invalid. Thigpen’s investigation was one of the first systematic assessments of mortgage document fraud in the entire country, certainly more robust than anything conducted by state and federal regulators.

Dude, can I borrow one of your checks? You'll get it back.

Yes, I was about to ask that very same thing

In Silicon Valley, Buying Companies for Their Engineers - NYTimes.com

“Who are we to tell a young entrepreneur that they can’t have their first million?” said Paul Graham, a partner at Y Combinator, a well-known incubator that has invested in hundreds of start-ups.

Or possibly not.

These Rs are not just assholes, they're just plain mean assholes

Hospital visitation rights for same sex couples under threat in Wisconsin | The Raw Story

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker (R) this week asked a judge if the state may stop defending a law that gives citizens in same sex relationships the right to visit their partner if they're in a hospital.

Because, yeah, if some gay guy gets to visit another gay guy in a hospital, what's the point of being the kind of jerk you are?

Damn those '70s, says church

Sexual Revolution Cited as Cause of Priest Abuse - NYTimes.com

A five-year study commissioned by the nation’s Roman Catholic bishops to provide a definitive answer to what caused the church’s sexual abuse crisis has concluded that neither the all-male celibate priesthood nor homosexuality were to blame....

Instead, the report says, the abuse occurred because priests who were poorly prepared and monitored, and were under stress, landed amid the social and sexual turmoil of the 1960s and ’70s....

And also...

Many more boys than girls were victimized, the report says, not because the perpetrators were gay, but simply because the priests had more access to boys than to girls, in parishes, schools and extracurricular activities.

...they were a very horny bunch and when they were around, nobody was safe.

Meanwhile I am out of bread this morning and I'm blaming that on the '70s for that, too. '70s, when will you ever end?

Buckle up

A Conflict Without End - NYTimes.com

Osama bin Laden had been dead only a few days when House Republicans began their efforts to expand, rather than contract, the war on terror. Not content with the president’s wide-ranging powers to pursue the archcriminals of Sept. 11, 2001, Republicans want to authorize the military to pursue virtually anyone suspected of terrorism, anywhere on earth, from now to the end of time.

(Oh, and by the way, we'll certainly have to cut Medicare for this.)

Everything you need to know about how the Cold War ended

Mikhail D. Prokhorov to Lead a Russian Political Party - NYTimes.com

MOSCOW— Mikhail D. Prokhorov, the Russian billionaire and principal owner of the New Jersey Nets basketball team...

If it gets any colder I'm going to have to break out the hoodies again

What happened to all the good weather we had last week?

(And yes, this post is a test of sorts.)

I might consider taking some kind of pills for the next two years, just to prevent dizziness

Newt: Forget What I Said Yesterday! | Talking Points Memo

In a parking lot or sidewalk this morning Newt Gingrich ditched his support for mandates after endorsing them ... yesterday.

Some thoughts on Ivy League machismo

UNDERNEWS: Sex, war and the Ivy League

If Harvard had a better football team, we might have a safer world.

Flood pictures

Mississippi River floods - The Christian Science Monitor - CSMonitor.com

 

Grump

Hip Hop at The (White) House - chicagotribune.com

Indeed, every teacher, young and old, is — or should be — a fuddy-duddy. One of a teacher's prime functions is to draw firm distinctions, to forcefully insist:

• Seinfeld isn't Shakespeare.
• Astrology isn't astronomy.
• A romance novel isn't "Pride and Prejudice."
• Jerry Lewis isn't Aristophanes.

 

 

 

If that sounds elitist, I plead guilty — on behalf of the entire educational enterprise.

 

Rain

All day. I tucked in with a book (and a nook). So now I'm a day behind on the laundry schedule, but so what. 

Last week, while the rest of the country was burning, flooding, or blowing away, here in the pleasant valley we had just about the best weather week I can remember. 60-ish, sunny, just a wisp of breeze. Suddenly everything bloomed. A regular bloom boom. There are leaves in the trees, flowers in the gardens, and the lawns look like jungles. 

So I guess a little rain (and a few dirty socks) is not such a price to pay.

Anyway, I think it's going to rain again tomorrow so I can bitch about it then.

 

Nope, not coming home any time soon

Bin Laden family condemns killing, while wife says one son escaped - Yahoo! News

Yesterday, the al Qaeda leader's sons denounced what they called their father's "arbitrary killing." Meanwhile, Pakistani officials believe one of bin Laden's sons--perhaps one known as "the Crown Prince of Terror"--may be missing after escaping from the U.S. raid.

If we didn't have this guy we'd have to invent him.

Because every little bit counts

Some 3,000 Millionaires Claim Jobless Benefits, IRS Data Show - Bloomberg

According to U.S. Internal Revenue Service data, 2,840
households reporting at least $1 million in income on their tax
returns that year also collected a total of $18.6 million in
jobless aid. They included 806 taxpayers with incomes over $2
million and 17 with incomes in excess of $10 million. In all,
multimillionaires reported receiving $5.2 million in jobless
benefits.