I don't.

According to RNC Chair Ken Mehlman (according to WIIIAI) “Democrat leaders don’t want America to fight the War on Terror with every tool in our arsenal.” Well. I can't speak for “Democrat leaders” but I sure don't. Are you kidding? We have chemical weapons in our arsenal. We have biological weapons. Not to mention, we have nukes. Thousands of nukes. No, I do not want them to use all the tools in our arsenal in their “War on Terror.”

And by the way, the only way I can imagine winning a “War on Terror” is with Prozac.

And by the way (the way), notice how they always go out of their way to say “Democrat” and not “Democratic”? That's the party's name, you know. The Democratic party. But democratic is just a little bit too big a word for the Repubs, it seems.

Slightly grey and whole lotta feisty.

Omni-American and young at heart, Gayle, Anne, and Andra are as soulful as Alicia Keys, as defiant as the Runaways, and as heroic as the Dixie Chicks, with none of the career drawbacks of callow youth.

Read about Saffire-The Uppity Blues Women. Then get the music. It is fine.

Let me count the ways.

Media Matters -
Matthews: “How can you not trust” Bush?
MATTHEWS: How can you not trust a man who says “I won't be able to win this war in my presidency; I'm leaving it up to other presidents in the future”?


There hasn't been much evolution in Arkansas anyway so it doesn't matter much.

Arkansas Times:
He responded with an e-mail. Teachers at his facility are forbidden to use the “e-word” (evolution) with the kids. They are permitted to use the word “adaptation” but only to refer to a current characteristic of an organism, not as a product of evolutionary change via natural selection. They cannot even use the term “natural selection.” Bob feared that not being able to use evolutionary terms and ideas to answer his students’ questions would lead to reinforcement of their misconceptions.


From our Cincinnati bureau comes the following dispatch.

*Death of Larry LaPrise *
What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey” died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in - and then the trouble started.

Oh I believe it, I believe it!

Fox dresses up staff to 'sparkle and shine' :
Believe it or not, the news anchors and reporters at the Fox-owned station were ordered by their boss to wear flashy clothes -- preferably “red white and blue.”
New VP wants on-air people to look “comfortable, professional, and ready to rock,” says Chicago Sun-Times piece. Big red clown noses optional.

I don't know, maybe in Finland the cell phones do this.

They seem to do everything else. But what I want to know is, why should it not be possible to put on a new shirt without a pair of scissors? I know, I know, I'm not very practiced at putting on new shirts so maybe there's a way I just don't know. The way it is I spent half the morning cutting tags off.

And another thing. Pockets. What's with only one pocket on a shirt? I have two sides, don't I? I want two pockets. Three or four would be even better. One is refreakindiculuous. I'm gonna go out somewhere and buy some pockets. Everything I own needs more pockets. Pockets should be one of those inalienable rights.

Maybe I shouldn't throw the old shirt out. It has holes in it, but at least it has pockets. And who's gonna notice the holes?

Aha! I always wondered how I got into that college.

College Board Finds 27,000 Unchecked SATs - Yahoo! News:
On Sunday, Pearson told the College Board 27,000 of the 495,000 tests had not been “completely processed” and would be rescored immediately, College Board spokeswoman Chiara Coletti said Wednesday.

All old guys wearing black are not Johnny Cash.

Boing Boing: Online sexual material is obscene if any community in US objects:
But the Internet can distribute material into all communities in the country, and because the Communications Decency Act is federal, prosecutors can bring their charges in the most sex-o-phobic corner of the country (say, the conservative Catholic private town that the guy who founded Domino's Pizza is building in Florida).
OK with us, says the Supreme Court. Meanwhile a lower federal court upholds Mississippi's banning the sale of sex toys and in South (“The Coathanger State”) Dakota a “Purity Ball” offers the keynote, “Why I Saved My First Kiss For Marriage.”

Apparently we kicked the Taliban out of Afghanistan and they came here.


That sound you hear is a whole bunch of minds suddenly changing.

LONDON (Reuters) - Smog is not just bad for the lungs. It can hit a man's sperm count too, a Californian study revealed on Wednesday.

Those Swiss, what pissers they are.

The Swiss government has installed singing urinals in Switzerland’s public lavatories to help diagnose prostate problems. The urinals are powered by sensors that can tell if the stream of urine is satisfactorily strong. If so, the urinal starts to sing the European football cheer “Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole.” If not, a recorded message advises the user to go see a doctor.
That's from Improbable Research, who got it from some guy named Jeff Dougan, who found it in the Sept. 19, 2005, Chemical & Engineering news.

News from the war on...pancake syrup?

Rutland Herald: Rutland Vermont News & Information:
“He is very proud of all of the maple producers who are contributing to the operation that we hope might, one day, eliminate fake syrup all throughout the world,” Gibbs said.
Gibbs is a spokesman for Vermont Gov. James Douglas who's just returned from a visit to Iraq where he found mess halls awash in the evil stuff. Imitation maple syrup. Yuck. A drive is underway to supply the real thing.

Vermont, home to the Vermont National Guard Mountain Warfare School and Mountain Battalion, is one of the highest per-capita contributors of National Guard troops to the Afghanistan and Iraq conflicts.


Ely? Wait, that's not Bigfoot. I used to date her.

The footage is of what Sade, at one point, calls the “Ely Bigfoot.” In another posting, Sade terms this the “Sasquatch Video.” I will call it simply the “Ely Sasquatch Video.”
Heh. Just kidding. I asked her out but she said no. Anyway we probably all looked like that. Have you ever been to Ely in January?

Cool video, though.


“God protect us from the fourth year.”

Baghdad Burning:
Three years later and the nightmares of bombings and of shock and awe have evolved into another sort of nightmare. The difference between now and then was that three years ago, we were still worrying about material things- possessions, houses, cars, electricity, water, fuel… It’s difficult to define what worries us most now. Even the most cynical war critics couldn't imagine the country being this bad three years after the war... Allah yistur min il rab3a (God protect us from the fourth year).

...3...2...1...ahhhhhh. Spring.

Lows in the 20s, highs in the 40s this week, pretty much the same as we had in January but I'm not complaining, oh no not me. January was winter. This is spring. Spring good. Oh yeah.


Room for one more?

So maybe you think those TV commercials that show SUVs climbing sheer cliffs are maybe a little bit over the top but you ain't seen nothin' yet. For some real automotive heroics (and a few other things) check out this awesome collection featuring photos of overloaded vehicles.

The gang that couldn't drive straight either.

Seems that in their predawn haste, a number of out-of-town FBI agents sped into the parking lot, either ignoring or unaware of the “Exit Only'' sign -- and promptly rolled over spring-loaded spikes meant to deter wrong-way drivers.
(It's the second half of the article, after the part where a guy calls Schwarzenegger ”Mr. Sunshine.“)

Seems the FeeBees lost a couple of dozen tires, proving they're not only careless drivers but slow learners too. Not that I'm commenting, you understand.
”We are not going to comment on any damage to our vehicles,'' said Sacramento FBI agent Karen Ernst. “I think it's ridiculous to focus on any problems.”