One drill, anyway.

Army Corps worries about Big Easy levees - Yahoo! News:
“There may be panic, but we know the drill,” she said.
“The drill,” in the case of this particular she, is to rent a hotel room in Houston JIC this latest storm, Ernesto, comes on strong. Not everyone may have this exact same drill in mind.

Of course a whole lot of people are still in Houston from the last big blow, so they won't need a drill at all.

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And in Minnesota they say, “moo, eh?”

My Way News:
“I spend a lot of time with my Friesians and they definitely 'moo' with a Somerset drawl,” he said, referring to the breed of dairy cow he owns.

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Maybe I'm just the only guy left who's old enough to remember the Soviet Union...

CrunchGear » Blog Archive » Confirmed: Zune is Toshiba… For Now
...but I can't help that, and to me this Zune thing looks exactly like an iPod the way the Soviets would have designed it.

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Doesn't seem like much of a prize, does it?

Justine Henin-Hardenne wins Pilot Pen - Yahoo! News

Sounds like trouble to me.

Independent Online Edition > Health Medical:
At present, obesity is more common among boys under 16 than among girls, but the projections suggest that, by 2010, the proportion of obese girls will have risen from 16 per cent to 22 per cent, and of boys from 17 per cent to 19 per cent.


SFGate: Culture Blog! : Save Pluto! Save Pluto!:
Next up: Neptune reveals itself to be made entirely of corn syrup solids, wacky dark matter, and ten trillion useless AOL promo CDs. Watch for it.

But it's mostly just Grandma cleaning her 9.

System tracks gun deaths: Details are being collected on murders, suicides in the U.S.:
Recent accounts of young school students shooting each other has sent a shiver through the nation; journalists call the killings an “epidemic” and legislators have begun debates on new gun control laws. As tragic as these homicides are, however, they represent only the tip of an iceberg of gun deaths in the United States. Every year, more than 30,000 people are shot to death in murders, suicides, and accidents. Another 65,000 suffer from gun injuries.

Writing the book on stoopid.

The Raw Story | NYT: Spike in Iraq inflation turns economy into shambles:
“Going to the market already requires courage -- after repeated bombings there -- and now, life's most basic needs are becoming drastically more expensive,” reports Damien Cave for the Times. “The inflation rate has reached 70 percent a year, up from 32 percent last year.”
The Raw Story | NYT: US more prepared for emergency, but still 'not ready':
The Department of Homeland Security, FEMA's parent agency, rated only 27 percent of the states and 10 percent of the cities evaluated as adequately prepared “to cope with a catastrophic event.” Dallas, Milwaukee, Oklahoma City and Philadelphia were among the low scorers.
PageOneQ | Election of Alabama lesbian overturned by committee:
The Democratic primary victory of Alabama lesbian Patricia Todd for a seat in the statehouse was overturned by a party committee tonight. The committee vote was 5-0. Had the committee not reversed the election, which Todd won by 59 votes, she would have become the first openly gay elected official in the state's history. No Republican has entered the race in the overwhelmingly Democratic district. Todd's race was to determine who would represent District 54 in Birmingham in the statehouse.

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And for good reason, too.

Milwaukee is named 'Drunkest City' - Yahoo! News:
MILWAUKEE - Milwaukee has been ranked by Forbes.com as “America's Drunkest City” on a list of 35 major metropolitan areas ranked for their drinking habits.
Lot of good breweries in Milwaukee.

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Famed Chicago department store to close
The store was originally built in 1898-1899. There have been additions over the years, including a 12-story south addition in 1905-1906. According to the city‘s department of planning and development Web site, the store is “one of the most important structures in early modern architecture, famed for its influential modular construction and design.”
Presumably the building will remain even after the store closes. Shame to see the store go, though. State Street will be a little bit less great.

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Good news! Troubles of world put aside!

Family Time at Kennebunkport:
KENNEBUNKPORT, Maine, Aug. 24 -- President Bush returned to his parents' century-old oceanfront retreat here Thursday for the first time in his second term, putting aside the troubles of the world to some extent for a brief spell of fishing and family.
Don't get too comfy, though. This is only until he can get back to clearing brush.

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Play it safe.

Apple Joins in a Recall of Batteries - New York Times:
As was the case with the Dell batteries, the problem is contamination by metal particles inside the lithium-ion battery cells. The microscopic particles are able to bridge a porous separator between the positively and negatively charged parts of the cell and cause a short circuit. This sets off a chemical chain reaction that can lead to the release of hot gases and liquids, smoke or fire.
The Apple battery recall (see Apple's web page here) applies to 12“ and 15” PowerBook G4s and 12“ iBook G4s. (Note it does not apply to any of the new MacBook line or to iBooks or PowerBooks of other sizes.) Battery replacement is free; look on the Apple web page (above) to see if your specific battery is included in the recall and sign up for a new one.

It takes an economist.

U.S. poverty undercounted in job surveys, study finds | US News | Reuters.com:
“Since non-employed adults are more likely to be poor...”

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But luckily they weren't carrying mascara, or any other illicit cosmetics as far as we can tell.

LNG facility intruders go unnoticed - The Boston Globe:
KeySpan guards failed to detect two intruders using wire cutters to break into the company's liquefied natural gas facility in Lynn last week, a security breach that went undetected for five days because company officials failed to review a surveillance tape that captured the incident, state officials said yesterday.
But it was a close call anyway.

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Ahd He doesn't use a voting machine.

The Raw Story | Harris: Separation of church and state 'a lie':
“We have to have the faithful in government and over time,” the Witness quotes Harris as saying, “that lie we have been told, the separation of church and state, people have internalized, thinking that they needed to avoid politics and that is so wrong because God is the one who chooses our rulers.”
Or She, of course, as he case may be.

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Doesn't sound all that ambiguous to me.

Israel adds 2 nuclear-capable submarines - Yahoo! News:
Israel, operating on a policy of nuclear ambiguity, has never confirmed or denied whether it has nuclear weapons. It is believed, however, to have the world's sixth-largest stockpile of nuclear weapons, including hundreds of warheads.

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Well if it's chocolate cake we're talking about here, nothing.

New restaurant bears Hitler's name - Yahoo! News:
“Hitler was a bad man, but what's wrong with having food here?” said Ashwini Phadnis, 22, a microbiology student as she tucked away a piece of chocolate cake.
Chocolate cake is fine anywhere. You can look it up.

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Oh come on, Dennis, get a life.

Duluth News Tribune | 08/23/2006 | Diocese cancels nun's Duluth talk because of anti-Bush newspaper ad:
The problem wasn't the political nature of the issues raised in the ad, Eller said, noting that the church and Prejean often take stands on political issues. But the ad's partisan attack of Bush crossed the line, Eller said.
Shame to spoil such a yummy-sounding event as the Diocese of Duluth education dinner.

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Let's do it by the deli counter.

CNN.com - Transcripts:
REP. CURT WELDON (R), PENNSYLVANIA: We have to fight this [GWOT] battle. We either fight it over there or we're going to fight it in the supermarkets and the streets of America.
Or maybe the aisle where the cookies are, that would be good.

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It's for left-handed pygmies but it's cheap.

Also the coffee tastes a little funny but that's because I didn't thoroughly wash it in hot, soapy water before I used it like the instructions insisted. I mean, what's the point of a new coffee maker if the first thing you have to do to it is break it, and don't tell me it comes apart the way the booklet says because it doesn't. No way.

Modesty prevents me from recording the exact details of my previous coffee maker's demise so let's just say it was a steaming mound of crusty grounds at the end. And I went over to CVS and found a new one on sale for $8.00. I brought it home and opened the box and the thing was such a maze of plastic wrapping and weird-shaped cardboard pieces I had to make myself a cup of freakin' emergency instant just to look at it. But I finally got the thing unwrapped and went straight to the brewing part from there.

It's backwards. Isn't there some rule that says a guy who designs a product has to actually use it once before he runs around selling it to someone else? The place you pour the water is a little tiny narrow slit on the left side, which in my case is right next to the wall and also right next to the power outlet and in any case I can't do anything very well with my left hand, much less pour water into a little hole like that. It can't be turned around because then it's even more backwards than it is when it's frontwards, with the power switch and that water level gauge thing in back. So the only solution is to put it sort of sidewise back-to-front and scrunch when you pour. Or I pour, but then I'm the one who has to do it, aren't I.

And if that's really 10 cups they're pygmy cups.

The only good thing about it is it doesn't have to last too long before I get my money's worth. Which wasn't much.

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So I'm just wondering...

...if I were from Sweden or Norway, one of those, I never can remember which is which, and opened a business selling decorative pet birds, could I call it “Swanson & Son's Swans?”

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Pluto called wimp, demoted.

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Pluto loses status as a planet:
The researchers said Pluto failed to dominate its orbit around the Sun in the same way as the other planets....

There is a recognition that the demotion is likely to upset the public, who have become accustomed to a particular view of the Solar System.
That's the British public they're talking about, presumably. Which must be a somewhat more finicky public than our own. Somehow an image of the American public rising up in protest of Pluto's misfortune is difficult to conjure up. Although I may be wrong, of course; there seem to be a lot of Mars and Venus fans.

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“Increasingly not ready” may not be exactly what we want to get.

SignOnSanDiego.com > News > Military -- Marines badly in need of funding, report says:
“You are going to see the Marine Corps increasingly not ready for duty unless it gets funded,” said Max A. Bergmann, an author of the 25-page report titled “Marine Corps Equipment After Iraq.”
In addition to running short of recruits (but not to worry, the Corps called up a 60-year old vet the other day and if the geezers can't fix this nobody can), the armed forces are running seriously short of equipment as the rigors of desert warfare take their toll.

If you've ever spent any quality time on a military base you have a general idea what sand can do. The military seems always to put bases on the sandiest soil available (probably because it was the cheapest land they could get at the time) and before a day in the field goes by the stuff is in your skivvies, in your rifle, and in your food. In the food doesn't matter much - in fact it sort of goes with Army chow - but in your rifle is a very big deal. In fact, huge.

Consider the even sandier conditions in Iraq, and the stuff blowing through chopper engines and grinding up tank treads and the like, and it's a wonder anything still works. If, that is, it does.

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Guys will be guys.

BBC NEWS | Europe | EU tunnel crossing ends in farce:
But instead of getting to Germany, they ended up back in Belarus.
At least they didn't stop and ask for directions.

These two guys dug a tunnel under the border fence between Belarus and Poland (using shoehorns, no less, because they thought buying a shovel might tip off the cops). Once inside Poland, they got turned around and wound up at what they took to be another barbed wire fence. Thinking they were at the border between Poland and Germany they dug under this fence too - only to wind up back in Belarus, where they began.

My Grandfather (also a guy) used to say, if you just keep going in the right general direction you will eventually wind up where you want to be. And he was right. It may not be the most efficient way to get somewhere but in time it tends to work. “The right general direction,” though, is a key part of this technique and if you get that part wrong, well, you will wind up back in Belarus every time.

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And Windows too.

So I'm reading this morning in the Sun-Times about some vast coalition of do-gooders who want to ban porn in hotel rooms on the assertion that said pay-per-view fare turns otherwise mild-mannered men (AKA, on occasion, “husbands”) uncontrollably raging fiends who will not rest until they've molested a few children, smashed a marriage or two, and otherwise disported themselves. An excellently cool word, “disported.” And I'm thinking, well, things can't get much worse than this, this is the bottom, this is the absolute pit.

But no. Turns out things are even worse in China, where police are cracking down on stripteases at funerals. Have these bluenoses no mercy, no mercy at all?

So now I'm thinking, this is the absolutely most awful, this is the end of the line, the bitter end, the positively worst a day can get. But no. I wind up working on a computer running Windows 98.

This is it, Windows, it's all over between us. And I mean it. I'm not kidding this time. We are done.

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Ain't easy, but somebody's got to do it.

In College Football, Big Paydays for Humiliation - New York Times:
Scheduling easy victories is a tradition as timeless in college football as fight songs and homecoming. But after the National Collegiate Athletic Association approved the addition of a 12th regular-season game for the coming season, the appearance fees began climbing in a bidding war for games against college football’s flotsam and jetsam.
The college I went to had a football team so bad that when the coach went on to greater things he went to the University of Chicago, which didn't have a football team at all.It appears, though, we have lost our title to Buffalo.

More's the pity. Buffalo can earn $500,000 per game by showing up to lose. What I'm wondering is, how many times they'd have to get drubbed to make more than whoever wins, say, the Orange Bowl.

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If you don't have health transparency, Bunky, you're just plain opaque.

President Bush Discusses Health Transparency in Minnesota:
And so here are some practical ways to address the rising cost of medicine. These are ways that basically say, we want you, the consumer, in charge, that there is such thing as a market, and that markets function. You remember Lasik surgery, eye surgery? It's a place where -- it was a procedure that cost a lot of money when it first came on, and yet there was quite a bit of competition -- people said, look, I'm good at this, why don't you come to my shop, or you notice docs were advertising. All of a sudden the cost of laser surgery has dropped precipitously. It's now an affordable procedure. Markets work when consumers have got options to make in the marketplace.
Uh huh. And I can't wait for the colonoscopy commercials (Look! I'm good at this!), and - oh never mind, I don't even want to imagine that.

But what these guys mean when they talk about “empowering” health care consumers is, “every man for himself.” And I ask you. When you buy shoes, do you always buy the absolute rock-bottom cheapest pair you can find? When you eat, do you always eat the absolute rock-bottom cheapest food you can get your hands on?

And tell me, Bunky, if you need a little work done on your heart, are you going to shop around for the absolute rock-bottom cheapest surgeon you can find?

Assuming, of course, you have a choice.

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Avast, dude.

My Way News:
Devotees are attracted by pirate fashions, the spirit of
rowdiness and the opportunity to engage in anti-establishment
behavior. It's unclear where it began, but pirates are clearly
in vogue.

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Why does this crack me up?

Stuart Middle School teacher burns U.S. flags in class
A Stuart Middle School teacher has been removed from the classroom after he burned two American flags in class during a lesson on freedom of speech, Jefferson County Public Schools officials said.
Good on him, I say. And although the story is somewhat vague on what “removed from the classroom” means, exactly, he sure did provide one damn good demonstration. Of something. Whether that something turns out to be “freedom of speech,” it seems, remains to be seen.

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Just mentioning here, boys and girls.

Slashdot | Microsoft Flubs Patch, Putting Users At Risk:
“Microsoft is rushing to fix a flaw introduced by the company's latest security update to Internet Explorer. From the article: 'The flaw, initially thought to only crash Internet Explorer, actually allows an attacker to run code on computers running Windows 2000 and Windows XP Service Pack 1 that have applied the August cumulative update to Internet Explorer 6 Service Pack 1, security firm eEye Digital Security asserted. The update, released on August 8, fixed eight security holes but also introduced a bug of its own, according to Marc Maiffret, chief hacking officer for the security firm, which notified Microsoft last week that the issue is exploitable.'”
Meanwhile, kiddies, I am not the first to wonder whether all those nifty voting machines out there, which run (yeah, I know you don't want to hear this) on Windows, get all these handy-dandy updates Microsoft keeps pumping out or whether they are just, you know, what they are. Or aren't.

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The 9/11 Report in graphic adaptation...

By Sid Jacobson and Ernie Colón - Slate Magazine:
...bring excerpted by Slate, one chapter per day.

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Finally we get around to it.

Massachusetts close to making the garter snake the official state reptile - The Boston Globe:
Yesterday, the House of Representatives designated the garter snakes the Commonwealth's cold-blooded animal of choice. There were no other competitors in a sparsely attended informal session.
Turns out garter snakes are pretty much the only snakes we have.

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Vermont! Woohoo! Who knew!

Nude people in town center could prompt ban - Boston.com:
Groups of young people have been congregating in a downtown parking lot and enjoying the warm summer weather without clothing, and that bothers some local residents.
Turns out Vermont has no state law against nudity and anyway, asks the Brattleboro police chief, “what's the harm?”

Well, you know the answer to that one, Bunky. And so does Brattleboro resident Theresa Toney. “What about the children seeing this?” she asks. Of course.

I don't know. But I'm willing to bet the children won't be asked.

Anyway, it's difficult to imagine nudies ever becoming much of a problem in Vermont. Do you know how freakin' cold it gets up there?

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But a little bit conflicted about foie gras.

Carl Sandburg Poems - Chicago:
Laughing the stormy, husky, brawling laughter of
Youth, half-naked, sweating, proud to be Hog
Butcher, Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat, Player with
Railroads and Freight Handler to the Nation.
Daley stews, restaurants file suit over foie gras ban | Chicago Tribune
“I like foie gras,” the mayor said. When asked if he intended to eat some today, he replied, “No, I'll have soup.” In April, aldermen voted to outlaw the sale of the fatty delicacy. Violators are subject to fines ranging from $250 to $500.

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What have I been telling you about these Massacusetts Puritans?

It's an absolutely perfect day - cloudless, low 70s, gentle breeze. Couldn't possibly be better. When we have a little spot of fine weather like this I suffer an almost overwhelming urge to hop in the car and follow it wherever it goes. And it's been nice like this for nearly three days now - I think the last time it rained was Saturday night.

So I'm walking out of the library this morning with a couple of audiobooks and I encounter a guy looking suspiciously around and muttering “when is it going to rain?” And then he noticed me and said, “it can't stay this nice forever, it's got to rain pretty soon.”

I suppose. And eventually sleet and snow. A perfect day like today we're gonna have to pay for.

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Despondency? Moi?

My Way News - British Gen. Calls Iraq Mini 'Civil War':
“It is inflammatory language,” he said. “It is implying that the situation is worse than it is. It therefore encourages - among other things - adventurous media reporting” and “could encourage a certain degree of despondency in the political constituencies of both of our countries. But above all, I simply don't think it's an accurate statement of the situation that we're currently involved in.”
Surely not. That would only encourage adventurous media reporting. So let's just call it mini pissedoffedness and leave it there.

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No big deal, just a little gunplay is all.

Snipers Target Shiite March - Los Angeles Times:
BAGHDAD — Gunmen took aim at multitudes of Shiite Muslim worshipers marching through this besieged capital Sunday, killing at least 22 and leaving hundreds injured in a vivid illustration of the sectarian violence driving Iraq toward open civil war....

Despite the gunplay, U.S. and Iraqi officials argued that a draconian weekend security clampdown, including a two-day ban on most vehicular traffic in the capital, helped avert a higher death toll as more than 1 million Shiites headed on foot to the shrine. No major attack was reported at the bustling holy site.
That's such a nice, cozy word, isn't it? “Gunplay,” I mean.

When I was a kid, a young-un, there was a war on - a great big WW, in fact - I and the other kids on the block spent hour after hour running around in somebody or other's back yard playing soldier and shooting at each other with our fingers, the real guns being pretty much all otherwise employed in those days. That was gunplay.

This sounds more like real shooting to me. “No major attack” or no.

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And seeing as how we're talking Alabama here, she might be right.

Christian police chief sees Satan at work in Birmingham | ajc.com:
Nunn says one thing is certain to happen anytime Christians speak boldly: "Satan is going to attack." So Nunn can't help but wonder if her own actions — singing hymns at the funerals of three slain officers, making speeches and writing articles mentioning God — somehow have made the devil meaner than usual in Birmingham.
I don't know what the solution to this problem might be but getting a police chief Satan feels more friendly toward seems like a start.

At least until Pat Robertson finds out.

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Brush your teeth with yogurt and rub it in your armpits too.

Bacteria might help teeth, hinder body odor - LiveScience - MSNBC.com:
Chewing gum, toothpaste and deodorant might soon contain beneficial bacteria to fight tooth decay and underarm stench.
Woohoo! That sounds a little bit on the kinky side, doesn't it? Although I don't know why it should be any kinkier than chocolate. Anything to fight that underarm stench, though - Americans must be the most odor-adverse population on earth. Or the most advertising drenched. Or, come to think of it, both.

I can't remember (and I'm too lazy to look up) whether I mentioned the other day an article about adding some kind of "beneficial virus" to "prepared meats," the purpose of which (the virus) is to eat some nasty illness-producing bacterium in prepared meats, which puts me off prepared meats right there. The FDA says no problem with the virus, it won't hurt you, or at least maybe it won't, so don't get all worried about that.

So then I guess there's probably no big problem with rubbing yogurt on your underarm stench - or at least maybe there isn't - but I don't know, call me crazy, it just makes me feel, well, sticky. And I'm not really sure having yogurt under your arms would make you any less stenchy, Bunky, if you want to know the truth.

Yeah, I know, they didn't actually say rub yogurt under your arms. It's the virus that's in yogurt (or maybe it isn't, exactly) they're talking about using. It's just that yogurt-in-the-armpit idea that turns me on.

And also sounds a whole lot cheaper than whatever these guys have in mind.

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What makes you so special, Osama?

August 21, 2006 --
OSAMA bin Laden has more on his mind than just the destruction of the United States - the world's most wanted terrorist is obsessed with Whitney Houston...
Get in line.

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YA non-surprise.

Bush Contemplates Rebirth of Dictatorship for Iraq | The Progressive:
The last three paragraphs of this story revealed that “senior administration officials . . . are considering alternatives other than democracy,” according to a military expert who was just briefed at the White House.
Saddam was just unreliable, is all. And this “democracy” is even worse.

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A heads-up to blonde geeks.

Bomb-making equipment found in Britain - Yahoo! News:
“Since the 10th of August, we have found bomb-making equipment. There are chemicals, including hydrogen peroxide, electrical components, documents and other items,” Deputy Assistant Commissioner Peter Clarke said. “We have also found a number of video recordings — these are sometimes referred to as martyrdom videos.”
So stay away from that stuff. Especially anything that could be “sometimes referred to” as a martyrdom video. Mess around with them, the RIAA might get involved and you don't want them on your case.

And if you insist on having other items, at least don't go around blabbing about it, OK?

What's with these guys and their secrecy fetish, anyway?

Cold War Missiles Target of Blackout:
“It would be difficult to find more dramatic examples of unjustifiable secrecy than these decisions to classify the numbers of U.S. strategic weapons,” wrote William Burr, a senior analyst at the archive who compiled the report. “ . . . The Pentagon is now trying to keep secret numbers of strategic weapons that have never been classified before.”
And, when the government is secret, how exactly does this “democracy” thing work?

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So let's get a grip, shall we?

Scotsman.com News - Airline chief: 'Terror leaders laughing in their caves':
“We are not in danger of dying at the hands of toiletries.”

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Whoa! Here's a job opportunity for you, Bunky.

Mom, Dad, stop your crying -- you can hire a parenting coach:
These days, it's possible to outsource nearly every part of parenting -- except maybe the hugs -- as a burgeoning industry springs up in the Bay Area and major cities around the country to help busy, well-financed moms and dads who lack either the time or the self-confidence to do what past generations of parents did by themselves.

This new growth industry also includes potty trainers, party planners who specialize in the under-10 set and lice removal experts. Yes, Bay Area parents can even hire someone to come to their house and pick the nits out of their loved ones' locks.
So if you get laid off from your job down at the plant you can always be a lice picker. Who knew?

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Bombing them in Lebanon so we don't have to bomb them in Iraq.

Senior officer: Nasrallah 'must die' | Jerusalem Post:
Yet despite this reaction, the officer believes that the international community will view these operations as justified. Hizbullah is “Iran's western front,” he said. “The world understands that we are helping to stop the influence of Iran.”
In the same story the Post quotes the same officer - presumably the same - as saying...
“We believe it was important to stop the war with Hizbullah understanding that we can beat them anywhere, any time, and we did that.”
I don't know. Maybe the White House has donated one of its speech writers to the IDF. Or maybe this guy's been watching too many Pink Panther movies, whatever - he does have a sort of Clouseau air. Or then again, he might be just freaking nuts. Which is a little scary if you think about it.

If you want my advice, Bunky, it's don't.

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Just another few bad apples, is all.

Sexual Abuse By Military Recruiters, Over 100 Women Raped Or Assaulted By Recruiters In Past Year - CBS News:
“To have 53 allegations in a year, while it is 53 more than we would want, is not indicative of the entire command of 8,000 recruiters,” he said. “We take this very seriously and we take appropriate action as necessary to discipline these people.”
Not our fault, dude. Repeat after me.

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