…really roll. Drop a bag of them, they’re everywhere.
Go ahead. Try it.
"The state of Mississippi’s Commission on Wildlife, Fisheries and Parks banned bird feeders last week, but the commission is insisting it was just an accident."
“In a classic holiday Friday news dump, Chelsea Clinton announced she was leaving her cushy $600,000-a-year correspondent job at NBC — after she failed to land the network any special access to her mom Hillary Clinton."
"Despite being indicted on two felony counts for abuse of power, Perry is seriously considering a 2016 White House run."
"And then, you turn your eyes to Europe and you see the President of Russia…encroaching on the sovereignty and territorial integrity of their neighbors, and reasserting the notion that might means right."
Also things would seem a lot better if you would just quit watching the nightly news.
"AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Police are scratching their heads trying to work out who donated a human skull to a thrift store in Austin, Texas."
“Last year the IRS finally collected more in tax receipts than it did before the crash in 2007. But dig a little deeper into the numbers and it is clear we haven't returned to normal: Corporations paid nearly $100 billion less in federal income taxes last year than before the Great Recession – down nearly 40 percent as a share of GDP. In fact, corporate profits and corporate tax collections are now trending in opposite directions. Profits were up $93 billion last year – to a high of $2.1 trillion, according to the Commerce Department. Yet corporate tax payments actually fell last year by more than $15 billion."
"Henceforth, Burger King Worldwide Inc. will be a Canadian company; the fast-food King is taking up official residence in a country with a queen."
…I didn’t know Canada has a queen. Apparently, it does.
"The accidental death of an instructor at an Arizona shooting range, killed while teaching a 9-year-old girl to fire a fully automatic Uzi, has touched off a national debate on whether children should be given access to such weapons."Who knows, right? But me, I’m getting tired of all these national debates. Who has time? I was just getting started with the national debate about police with armored personnel carriers and now it’s girls with Uzis. I don’t know.
"In a nine-page spread entitled, ‘How to make a bomb in the kitchen of your mom,’ the magazine details a do-it-yourself, illustrated guide on assembling a pressure-cooker bomb similar to the ones used in the Boston Marathon bombings."
Really? The origins of the Xbox? Isn’t Xbox one of those newfangled toys the kids are playing with these days? In a computer history museum? What? Speak up!
"In the realm of politics and brews, Republicans prefer Bud Light, Democrats are all about Blue Moon, and Libertarians love their Sam Adams."
"That’s right — lawyers for Indiana and Wisconsin claimed that because a ‘fleeting moment of passion’ can produce offspring, straight people need marriage as an incentive to stay together and raise their ‘unintended children.’ Gay people, on the other hand, have to think and plan a lot harder if they want to be parents, so marriage doesn’t concern them. In other words, because an ill-considered, alcohol-fueled romp between two straight people can lead to a baby, gays shouldn’t be able to marry."
"'There are all kinds of downsides and risks that suggest air strikes in Syria are probably not a great idea…But that doesn’t mean they won’t happen anyway.'"
"Mozzarella is the best pizza cheese because it melts, bubbles and browns better than any other cheese, according to a new study published in the August issue of the Journal of Food Science, titled ‘Qualification of Pizza Baking Properties of Difference Cheese and Their Correlation with Cheese Functionality.’"
"Thus far, the US has carried out roughly 100 air strikes in Iraq."
" ‘Press pound’ on the phone is now translated as ‘hit hashtag.’"
Beloit College’s annual Mindset List this year seems more than ordinarily inconsequential. But we are amused to note that once upon a time nobody knew what “press pound” meant either, as rotary telephone dials (no “press”) had neither a pound sign nor a hashtag (but did have an “Operator”).
I’m just looking for an edge here. Anything. That donut looks gooood.
"La Tomatina is a food fight festival held on the last Wednesday of August each year in the town of Bunol near to Valencia in Spain."
"In the city of Long Beach's Peninsula neighborhood, residents watched as bulldozers built huge sand berms between the ocean and their homes. Several took the warning to heart and shoveled sand into bags to place around their garage doors and entryways."
"A McClatchy report published last month revealed that the Obama administration has been receiving detailed analysis of the rise of ISIS since 2012."
"Over the weekend, LG posted a video to its YouTube account teasing a new watch from the company, and this time, it's round! "
Yes. A round watch. That looks like a…well…watch. Clever!
"‘The ISIS killing of James Foley and the threatening of the other American journalists reflects that America didn’t pay much attention to the threat and growth of ISIS inside Syria,’ said Iyad Shamsi, the commander of the FSA Eastern Front, in an interview. ‘We were very clear that we wanted to cooperate with the Americans. They didn’t listen. They paid a price.’"
"‘I like those summers where we get a week where it’s 100 degrees,’ said Annie Carter…"
In Puritan New England, whenever something good happens it just means we’re going to be punished for it some time down the line. In this case, the New Hampshire-based Old Farmer’s Almanac has it covered, predicting a “super cold” (even colder than last year’s record-breaking) winter for (just to be safe) everybody east of the Rockies.
Which does not mean we’ll have an extra-warm summer next year. Oh no.
"The Serrano hotel in downtown San Francisco adds on a $20 per night 'Urban Fee' that includes Internet, local phone calls, newspapers, morning coffee and use of bicycles."
"The winning snail was ‘Wells’ owned and trained by Zeben Butler-Alldred from London.…Wells completed the course in 3 minutes 19 seconds, a slow time because of the heat."
"You connect it to your credit card or bank account, add your friends, then pay or charge them whatever is owed. …if you're feeling social, you can share [payments] on a feed visible to your friends with a description of the payment, such as 'for the T-shirt…'"
"THE BOOMERANGS is a highly informal group that meets…to sing ‘oldies’ of every description…no experience (or talent) required."
"Republicans have traditionally staked out a more muscular platform on national security issues than Democrats, but that script could flip if the Democrats nominate Hillary Clinton for president in 2016, Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., predicted… "
I’m not a big Hillary fan (anymore), but it might be worth a vote just to see what happens. Do you think they’d let their hair grow long and stand around in circles singing decaying old folk songs? Wear jeans with American flags on the butt (ok, maybe that’s a stretch, but still…). Wouldn’t it be great to find out?
“[Imagine] a surgeon general bragging about never having set foot in an operating room."
"The cost of labor in China is going up, so Chinese manufacturers are moving to Africa…"