Fiction is stranger than truth (but not much)

Republicans’ Demands For Upcoming Debates

(It’s the Onion.)

Callously! W00t!

John Kasich Callously Laughs Off Colbert's Pro-Pot Point - The Daily Beast

"The Late Show host scored his biggest points against the governor by asking him if he ever smoked marijuana when he was young. When Kasich answered affirmatively, he asked if the governor was ever caught by police.

“'No, I never was,' Kasich replied with an unnecessarily hearty laugh."

Defining "slow news day"

Louis CK won't watch Donald Trump on SNL - NY Daily News

If you must know

This Boy Has Outsmarted Us All With His Perfect Math Problem Answer

"A Reddit user named Fiona, who posts as irishchick14, shared a photo of her 6-year-old son's math test on the social-sharing platform this week, writing: 'This is why my son is going places.'"

H/T Some Guy in Seattle


Toward the end

Springtime for Donald

A new play about Donald Trump is a hit. In Mexico. - The Washington Post

"Such is the latest Mexican revenge against the Republican presidential candidate, a popular play by a group of Mexican comedians called “Los Hijos de Trump,” or “Sons of Trump,” that has been playing in Mexico City’s Aldama Theater.…From bashable Donald Trump piñatas to Halloween masks with swooping manes, the candidate has often been met with mockery."

"Mistake" is a hot word this year

Ben Carson admits fabricating West Point scholarship - POLITICO

"The academy has occupied a central place in Carson’s tale for years. According to a story told in Carson’s book, “Gifted Hands,” the then-17 year old was introduced in 1969 to Gen. William Westmoreland, who had just ended his command of U.S. forces in Vietnam, and the two dined together. That meeting, according to Carson’s telling, was followed by a “full scholarship” to the military academy.

"West Point, however, has no record of Carson applying, much less being extended admission."

You simply can not make this stuff up

Trump suggests that Carson’s nuts 


Have some mercy, Dude

Ozzy Osbourne returns to the Alamo - NY Daily News

"Osbourne, who was arrested for that devilish deed some 33 years ago, was surrounded by more than 100 cheering fans as he solemnly approached historic building at around 4 p.m. local time."

I missed this story when it happened 33 years ago. Why can’t I just miss it again?

Cold tires…must be it

Driver crashes $1.4M Ferrari just after buying it - NY Daily News

"The man allegedly blamed the tires being cold for having no grip on the road.

"Ferrari only built 499 LaFerraris, a 950 horsepower hybrid that can hit 62 mph in under three seconds."

Why does it always happen in Florida…

Man guilty of biting dog, popping eye out of socket

“Man bites dog” wasn’t good enough for this guy? He had to go for the eye thing too?

Let’s just remember not one but two people running for president right now are from this state. 

…or Texas?

Man Stabbed to Death for Taking the Last Piece of Chicken | TIME

"Darwin Perez Gonzalez, 34, was stabbed and killed in a fight that started when he took the last piece of chicken at a dinner with friends, according to KHOU News, a Texas CBS affiliate."

Four Pinocchios, says Post

Ben Carson’s absurd notion that the Founding Fathers had ‘no elected office experience’ - The Washington Post

(Update: After this fact check appeared, Carson’s Facebook post was edited to read “no federal elected office experience.” There was, of course, no “federal” government at the time.)

Yeah take that, you old farts

Baby boomers are what’s wrong with America’s economy - The Washington Post

"They burned a lot of cheap fossil fuels, filled the atmosphere with heat-trapping gases, and will probably never pay the costs of averting catastrophic climate change or helping their grandchildren adapt to a warmer world. They took control of Washington at the turn of the millennium, and they used it to rack up a lot of federal debt, even before the Great Recession hit."


And you can't find a better investment than the U.S. Senate

Paul Ryan Unites House Republicans Under a Single Extremist Agenda

"Patrick Murphy, by the way, is the Democratic "establishment" choice to run for Marco Rubio's entirely vacant Senate seat in Florida. He will be opposed in the primary by Congressman Alan Grayson, who is partisan and loud and, therefore, not a fit candidate for a serious governing political party. Murphy, on the other hand, is pretty much a sublet of the financial services and banking industries.  Buy him and he'll stay bought."

Would you try Chocolate Pringles?


Surprise inflations: PR will never go out of style

Mercedes issues recall over surprise air bag inflations - The Boston Globe


Block that simile!

Yoga pants? They count as ‘business casual’ now? - The Boston Globe

"Easy to make fun of, hard to take off, yoga pants have for many people become the sartorial version of Google Maps."

How about squashed skunk, dear?

Is roadkill the key to sustainable fur? - The Boston Globe

“I’m in my nascent stages of building what it means to wear ‘accidental fur.’ ”

Obama's been reading my blog

Obama: If GOP Candidates Can't Handle CNBC, How Will They Deal With Russia and China? - NBC News


Some days even that old vacant lot looks good


And boy are they right

A List of Trademarks the Redskins Claim Are Just as Offensive as Their Own

"The PTO [Patent and Trademark Office] has registered hundreds if not thousands of marks that the Team believes are racist, or misogynistic, vulgar, or otherwise offensive," the appeal claims.

Really does have trouble with the math

Republicans declare war on the media at their own peril - The Washington Post

"At one point, Ben Carson’s campaign reportedly proposed allotting a minimum of five minutes for opening and closing statements for every candidate, which, given 15 remaining candidates, would take up at least an hour and 15 minutes alone."

The happy little car that broke bad

Volkswagen emissions scandal widens as EPA adds first Porsche model to ‘cheater’ list - The Washington Post

"'Volkswagen has once again failed its obligation to comply with the law that protects clean air for all,' Cynthia Giles, the EPA’s assistant administrator for enforcement, said at a news conference."

I used to have a VW—it would never think of doing anything evil. In fact, it wouldn’t do much of anything at all, especially uphill. Or into a stiff breeze. How did it ever become an international villain like this? Go figure.

How about "War, the Musical"

New U.S.-Backed Alliance to Counter ISIS in Syria Falters - The New York Times

"A senior United States military official said the United States had encouraged the Kurdish militia to create an umbrella group that would make more sense to an international audience…"

Time to get Broadway involved, looks to me.


So it's Jeb!! now?

Jeb 2.0: Bush relaunches campaign with e-book, tour | Reuters

"In Tampa on Monday, Bush hopes to begin a political comeback. He will give a speech presenting himself as a problem-solving politician…"

…yada yada yada.

The most depressing thing of all is that, of the legions of Rs running for the nomination now, Jeb is probably the only one who might actually do the job.

Come on. Really?

Bill Clinton On Leadership Board Of Presidential Debate Commission | The Daily Caller

"A conflict of interest could be afoot at the Commission on Presidential Debates if Hillary Clinton gets the Democratic presidential nomination. Her husband, former president Bill Clinton, is an honorary chairman on the commission leadership board."

Granted it’s from the Daily Caller, that little Tucker’s web site, but still. It’s so Clinton it has to be true, doesn’t it?

An anti-nutritional day

I’ve got myself a new eating plan (I know, I know, but this is just eat better and eat less, nothing weird) but I have all this not-better food lying around and I should eat that first, right?

I thought so.

Rs want easier questions (and Rush)

Frustrated Republicans agree on push for debate changes

"Campaigning in Iowa this weekend, [Ted Cruz] slammed the CNBC debate moderators for asking questions in a way that he said "illustrate why the American people don't trust the media." He was cheered after calling for future debates to be moderated by conservatives such as radio host Rush Limbaugh."


What a weekend

Minnesota loses the Little Brown Jug to Michigan by 3 points and 6 inches. 29-26; Hinsdale (IL) Central loses to Neuqua Valley 29-26 in the state high school playoffs; the Mets lose to KC, going down 3-1 in the series and Daniel Murphy is the goat (how poetic is that?). 


Fall of the House of Bush - The New York Times

"WASHINGTON — JEB, dragging his wilted exclamation point around, is so boring that it’s hard to focus on the epic nature of his battle."

Or, everybody plays

The Sports Equinox Is Upon Us | FiveThirtyEight

"By our count this will be the 15th equinox in history, and the first since 2010."

Fiorina stands with Palin, Bachmann

Carly Fiorina: 'I am tired of being Insulted By Liberal Feminists' [VIDEO] | The Daily Caller

"“And conservative women from Sarah Palin to Michele Bachmann to Carly Fiorina are long used to this,” Fiorina said. “It will not stop me."

What if brain surgery is not, you know, brain surgery after all?

What Ben Carson’s Rise Says About America - The Daily Beast

"The only actual interesting thing about Carson is that he raises a question we rarely get the chance to contemplate: How can a man who is so obviously distinguished and brilliant in one field be such an across-the-board nincompoop in another?"