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Apr 22, 2023 at 9:18 AM

Write instructions for making peanut butter sandwich in style of Presidential executive order

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Executive Order on Peanut Butter Sandwiches

Section 1. Purpose

This executive order is issued to provide guidance on the proper preparation and consumption of peanut butter sandwiches.

Section 2. Definitions

For the purposes of this order, the following terms shall have the meanings given to them:

(a) "Peanut butter" means a spread made from ground peanuts.

(b) "Bread" means a baked food made from flour.

(c) "Jelly" means a fruit preserve typically made from sugar and fruit juice.

Section 3. Preparation

In order to ensure the safety and enjoyment of peanut butter sandwiches, the following preparation guidelines shall be observed:

(a) The bread must be toasted to a golden brown color.

(b) The peanut butter must be spread evenly on one slice of bread.

(c) The jelly may be spread on the other slice of bread, if desired.

(d) The two slices of bread must be placed together to form a sandwich.

Section 4. Consumption

To fully appreciate the flavor of a peanut butter sandwich, the following consumption guidelines shall be observed:

(a) The sandwich should be eaten in a quiet and contemplative manner.

(b) The sandwich should be enjoyed with a glass of milk or other appropriate beverage.

(c) The consumer should take small, deliberate bites in order to savor the flavor of each ingredient.

Section 5. General Provisions

(a) This executive order is not intended to be exhaustive, and may be supplemented by additional guidance as needed.

(b) This executive order shall be implemented consistent with applicable law and subject to the availability of appropriations.

(c) This executive order is not intended to create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.

(d) This executive order is effective immediately and shall remain in effect until further notice.

Almost there

Any day now, everything will turn green all at once.

*Sixty*-three?

 I can't remember the last time I bought postage stamps. I don't use postage stamps any more, and rarely receive anything with a stamp on it (except around Christmas — you know who you are). 

So it never occurred to me.

Hey, I remember the 3. It's the 60 part that's new.

AOIMSG, it's AARO

DoD Announces the Establishment of the All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office

This document was for IMMEDIATE RELEASE last July, but better late than never.

The AARO Executive Council (AAROEXEC), led by Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence & Security (USD(I&S)) Ronald Moultrie, will provide oversight and direction to the AARO…

AARO is the Pentagon's Department of Weird Stuff, in this case UAPs (Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena, govspeak for UFOs, which are having a moment over at Fox News and perhaps at a conflict zone near you).

Weird Stuff has been happening for quite some time — "There are more things in Heaven and Earth," Hamlet advises, "than are dreamt of in your philosophies"  — but now, at least, USD(I&S) is on the case.

An elephant in the room, indeed

America's new weight problem: Electric cars

Since EVs weigh more than conventional cars they put more wear on the road, yet they don't pay for that wear with any additional gas taxes -- they don't pay any gas taxes at all. EVs may generate more sales tax due to their generally higher MSRPs but in California, as in many other states, only a very small amount of sales tax is earmarked for transportation projects. Electricity to charge EV's is subject to utility taxes, but those are typically restricted to energy infrastructure projects, not road repair.

And that, of course, isn't all.

It's gonna cost more than you think. 

And you thought TikTok was weird

April 19 (UPI) -- A swimmer known as "Mermaid Merle" took a record-breaking 30-mile swim in Florida while wearing a monofin.

What about that Guinness book?

Wouldn't it be great…

Netflix to bring down the curtain on its DVD-by-mail service

The DVD service, which still delivers films and TV shows in the red-and-white envelopes that once served as Netflix’s emblem, plans to mail its final discs on Sept. 29.

…if they stuck a Do Not Return label on that last batch? They've got to get rid of them somewhere anyway. Why not your mailbox? 

Imagine adding a Netflix disk to your collection of old AOL CDs. Or better, a terminally scratched-up copy of Casablanca framed and hanging beside your smart TV. 

Another era ends.

We do and you (probably) don't…

…get a holiday today.

Patriots' Day (Patriot's Day in Maine) is an annual event, formalized as a legal holiday or a special observance day in six states, commemorating the battles of Lexington, Concord, and Menotomy, some of the first battles of the American Revolutionary War. The holiday occurs on the third Monday of April each year, with celebrations including battle reenactments and the Boston Marathon.

–Wikipedia

The State and City offices will be closed but the U.S. Mail will still get through. Dunkin will sell a lot of coffee and donuts in Boston. I don't know how to explain Maine.

So there's more. Surprised?

The military loved Discord for Gen Z recruiting. Then the leaks began.

(It's paywalled at the Washington Post but available at Apple News, here.)

“We’re seeing massive security breaches and potential global instability just because someone was insecure about their popularity and wanted people to know they knew cool stuff about the military.”

You shouldn't be. Surprised, that is. Only believe half of what you read, remember? In this case, maybe not even that.

Turns out the military has been recruiting on the internet service, Discord, for years, chatting up teens and twenty-somethings over video games, telling war stories, playing to kids' fantasies of macho and dreams of adventure. But there was always a risk and it was known: “Some people may join the military because of the allure of the warrior ethos, and they may not feel very validated sitting in front of the computer all day,” says James Ivory, a Virginia Tech professor who studies online video game groups.

Just so. And now, of course, Official Washington is scurrying once again to paper over what damage may have been done by an Air National Guard member's boasting in a Discord chat room.

Intelligence services employ the mnemonic MICE to list the reasons people are led to betray confidences: Money, Ideology, Coercion, Ego. Ego's the one that fits here, like a glove.

Shoulda seen it coming. In fact, did.

Last month, in a detailed guide aimed specifically at Discord users, Special Operations Command, which oversees the country’s most elite forces, told service members: “Don’t post anything in Discord that you wouldn’t want seen by the general public.”

Too late. And way too little. 

Now the airman from Massachusetts will take the fall.