So near, so far, so stuck in New Hampsheer

That's where the Mighty Mouse is, all right - stuck in New Hampsheer as we speak. "On FedEx vehicle for delivery," the tracker says, but does not say "and said vehicle is right this minute careening toward your very house." No way. It's Saturday in Western Mass. And what's more it's this Saturday, when everybody is in the grocery store.

What a zoo that place was today. Have these people never heard of snow before? Relax, Bunky, it's February - you don't really need to stock up for six months. Just enough to get through March will do fine.

I mean it. When the Empire takes over The Empire there will be two new laws the very first day.

ONE: No accomplices in the checkout line. You get in line, Bunky, that's it. No people running up later with arms full of stuff.

TWO: If you must go rummaging around in the shelves park your cart on the same side of the damn aisle, damnit. Thank you.

THREE (I don't care what I said) (do they?): When you stow your empty basket under the checkout counter flip the handles so another one will fit inside. Arrggghhhh.

This is not rocket science, people, this is just buying a few groceries. Try to get it right.

And you, FedEx, seeya Monday. Snow or no.

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