Right here's where it all goes wrong

In an article about evolving airport security procedures Joe Sharkey, writing in the New York Times, describes a world of sniffing dogs and air-puffing "trace-portal machines" (starting to sound a little kinky already, isn't it?) before he gets to the really good stuff right here:

The [Transportation Security] agency describes the new procedures as "enhanced pat-down searches," meaning they're more physically intimate as well as more randomly applied.

And then proceeds to demolish the whole happy dream with this wet-blanket addition:

"Except in extraordinary circumstances, a screener of your gender will conduct your additional screening," an agency statement says.

Well. I guess a guy could always hold out hope for extraordinary circumstances but what I want to know is, whatever happened to privatization anyway? Don't these security geeks ever log in? Or turn on?

No less an authority than Answers.com informs us that porn is a multi-billion dollar industry and all the best companies are involved. Well, most.

In 1999 there were 711 million rentals of hard-core sex films. Subsidiaries of major corporations were the largest pornography sellers. The General Motors subsidiary Direct TV sold $200 million worth of sex films. EchoStar Communications and AT&T were also very large sellers, as were the major hotel chains. Video rentals and sales revenue exceeded $4 billion a year plus $800 million less explicit erotic works. Revenues of companies such as Playboy and Hustler were small by comparison.

And that was in 1999, before the iPod. Just wait till they get that thing to vibrate on cue (hey I told you kinky - you were warned). Or even make movies for it, if that's your thing. So they're thinking an "intimate pat-down" concession at the airport wouldn't turn a profit? Hey, security geeks, get a life! Are we Americans here or what?

I remember when flying was fun. (Yeah, I'm a geezer and it was a long, long time ago. But why give up hope?)

And...oh yeah, the picture. Almost forgot. It's Jesus, as visualized by forensic anthropologists using methods described in this Popular Mechanics story.

Is that a candidate for an intimate pat-down or is it not? More like a strip search if you ask me.

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