So in case you ever decide to do some science here's the other thing you need to know

Undernews: A Template for Scientific Press Releases and Science News Articles

Shortly after the start of a new year it occurred to us that this important task could be greatly simplified. We noted in a comprehensive survey of articles from 1983-2001 that 87.3% of the Press Releases and science news articles could be faithfully reproduced through the straightforward application of a set of simple standardized rules.