Well then. You will certainly want to know the answer to this question: Is it legal to have sex with a roasted turkey in Wisconsin?
It is, according to public defender Fredric Anderson, one of whose clients, Bryan James Hathaway of Superior, WI, needs public defending in a matter involving carnal relations with a dead deer. (You really have to make allowances for northern Wisconsin. It gets so cold there people's brains seize up. I used to live right across the lake from Superior myself, and I know.) And - think about it - the difference between a dead deer and a roasted turkey is only an oven and two legs. And big brown eyes. And - are you with me here? - prohibitions against bestiality don't apply.
Prosecuting, one James Broughner argued that a deer carcass is still a beast, and is therefore not OK to have sex with but still perfectly fine to eat. Yummy, in fact, done right.
Judge Michael Lucci, appreciating how things are in northern Wisconsin, noted when hearing the arguments in Hathaway's case, "I'm a little surprised this issue hasn't been tackled before in another case."
Oh, and while I'm thinking of it, there is a recipe for roasted tofu here.
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