Whatever happened to oat bran?

Well, no matter. Nobody liked eating oat bran anyway. Go on: you can admit it now. Oat bran is yesterday. The new wonder drug is...woohoo!...chocolate.

A chemical found in chocolate could stave off diseases ranging from dementia to strokes, a leading scientist has claimed.

He said epicatechin, a compound which occurs naturally in cocoa beans, could prove as important to medicine as penicillin or anaesthesia.
(Daily Mail)

Next thing you know, they'll be putting chocolate in the toothpaste. (What? You didn't buy the oat bran toothpaste? Where were you, Dude?) The price of chocolate will soar, and the Andes will become the new Middle East. (Maybe that's why the DOOFUS bought a ranch in Peru. He's going to start a chocolate war next. Ya think?) Next thing, guys will be standing along the road holding up signs: "WILL WORK FOR CHOCOLATE."

Oh wait. I do that already, don't I.