“How to tell if you've been abducted by aliens.”

You suddenly discover you are missing a limb -- “You know you started out the day with two arms and two legs, and yet, when it's time to go to bed, one is missing,” said Dr. Longneck. “This is an indication they have kept one of your limbs for dissection purposes.”

Well that's one way. It all seems so easy when Dr. Longneck explains, doesn't it? I wonder if forgetting the coffee filters at the grocery store this morning is another clue. I bet it is.

Actually being at the grocery store was how I found out about Dr. Longneck, in a sort of providentially indirect way. I noticed the cover story in the Weekly World News“ ”Computer Virus Spreads to Humans.“ You can imagine my horror. I spend a lot more time with computers than with birds. Or, for that matter, aliens. (As far as I know.) So when I got home I looked up WWN on the web (you didn't think I was going to buy the paper did you? - people would think I'm weird) but the computer virus story isn't there. Still I bet it's true.

I'm going to take an aspirin and go back to bed.

But no way am I going to close my eyes.