Maybe we can't

President Obama needs to focus on how the United States can meet global challenges - The Washington Post

"Throughout his presidency, he has excelled at explaining what the United States cannot do and cannot afford, and his remarks Thursday were no exception."

Imagine our relief

Dozens of police agencies report loss of Pentagon-supplied military weapons | Fox News

"A Pentagon spokesman told the station that 8,000 law enforcement agencies participate in the 1033 program and that 98 percent remain in good standing."

Raise your hand if you believe this one

Female researcher dons fake mustache to study ravens - NY Daily News

"Stacia Backensto, an Alaska biologist and master of disguise, dressed herself as one of the men working in the northern oilfields to spy on the scientist-shy birds."

We have no comment on Obama's tan suit

This, on the other hand…


We're not joking here

Japan rolls out campaign to stockpile toilet paper - Yahoo News

"The government and paper companies kicked off a 'Let's stockpile toilet paper!' campaign to mark Disaster Prevention Day…"

Not to mention with the ocean

North Korea fired short-range projectile into sea, says Seoul - Firstpost

"Seoul: North Korea fired another short-range projectile into the sea on Monday…three days after it cancelled a plan to send cheerleaders to the upcoming Asian Games in the South.…
"Analysts say the North's decision suggests that the country may not continue an earlier push to improve ties with South Korea."


Right you are, Bunky, that's polite alrighty

Foul-smelling beer withdrawn from sale in Norway

"The smell of the beer was compared by consumers to, well, human flatulence, to put it politely."

So just lying around on something green is what's good? We're all for that!

Undernews: Dishing the dirt is healthy

"‘People usually assume that the health benefits of exposure to green space are due to exercise. In fact two large studies now demonstrate that although exercise is definitely good for you, it does not explain the beneficial effect of green space,’ says Rook. ‘Contact with microbial biodiversity is looking like the most probable explanation for the green space effect.’ "
The Conversation

iPhone art: Phil Compton

Go Raiders

Rimrock High School (Bruneau, ID) Football Home - MaxPreps.com

"The Rimrock Raiders football team lost Friday's home non-conference game against Garden Valley by a score of 50-0."

We’re naming the Rimrock Raiders of Bruneau, Idaho, as our official football team for the year. 

But we're laughing at the Republicans already

Herman Cain Uncovers Obama's Secret Plot To Get Impeached

"Herman Cain took the conservative rhetoric of 'impeachment bait' to the next level on Thursday by theorizing that President Obama is actually trying to get impeached in order to 'laugh at the Republicans.'

"'I believe that he'll do it, and here's why,' Cain explained in a radio interview.… "

This one, at least. 


Frozen peas…

really roll. Drop a bag of them, they’re everywhere.

Go ahead. Try it.

Next they'll be banning…oh wait, they have?

Mississippi Accidentally Bans Bird Feeders | National Review Online

"The state of Mississippi’s Commission on Wildlife, Fisheries and Parks banned bird feeders last week, but the commission is insisting it was just an accident."

News news

Chelsea Clinton quits $600K job at NBC | Page Six

“In a classic holiday Friday news dump, Chelsea Clinton announced she was leaving her cushy $600,000-a-year correspondent job at NBC — after she failed to land the network any special access to her mom Hillary Clinton."

New glasses make him look more serious

What's the deal with Rick Perry's $500 hipster glasses? - CSMonitor.com

"Despite being indicted on two felony counts for abuse of power, Perry is seriously considering a 2016 White House run."

Irony is alive and well

Remarks by the President at a DNC Event -- Purchase, New York | The White House

"And then, you turn your eyes to Europe and you see the President of Russia…encroaching on the sovereignty and territorial integrity of their neighbors, and reasserting the notion that might means right."

Also things would seem a lot better if you would just quit watching the nightly news.

Some dead guy, would be my guess

Human skull donated to Goodwill store in Texas - Yahoo News

"AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Police are scratching their heads trying to work out who donated a human skull to a thrift store in Austin, Texas."


Is this a hint?

The class war is over, Bunky, and you lost

The Biggest Tax Scam Ever | Rolling Stone

“Last year the IRS finally collected more in tax receipts than it did before the crash in 2007. But dig a little deeper into the numbers and it is clear we haven't returned to normal: Corporations paid nearly $100 billion less in federal income taxes last year than before the Great Recession – down nearly 40 percent as a share of GDP. In fact, corporate profits and corporate tax collections are now trending in opposite directions. Profits were up $93 billion last year – to a high of $2.1 trillion, according to the Commerce Department. Yet corporate tax payments actually fell last year by more than $15 billion."

A perfect bracket


Elmer Gantry: Meet the Iago of hypocricy

Sinclair Lewis’s novel (once officially Banned in Boston) is a whole lot better than the movie. You’ve seen the movie, right? [Kissing alert]

I can easily avoid eating at Burger King but…

Burger King boycott: How long can you stick to sticking it to BK? - LA Times

"Henceforth, Burger King Worldwide Inc. will be a Canadian company; the fast-food King is taking up official residence in a country with a queen."

…I didn’t know Canada has a queen. Apparently, it does.

What would Socrates have said?

After Uzi death, gun ranges debate safest way to teach kids to shoot - LA Times
"The accidental death of an instructor at an Arizona shooting range, killed while teaching a 9-year-old girl to fire a fully automatic Uzi, has touched off a national debate on whether children should be given access to such weapons."
Who knows, right? But me, I’m getting tired of all these national debates. Who has time? I was just getting started with the national debate about police with armored personnel carriers and now it’s girls with Uzis. I don’t know.

Let's you and them fight!

Dumming down da news (and you)

In Defense of Barack Obama’s Tan Suit | TIME

"It was, in no way, a fashion statement."

Also, he talked about some stuff. Russians, maybe. We’re not sure…

Sounds like a plan

The Tragic Insanity Of Gun Ranges | ThinkProgress

"‘We don’t rent to any white male Florida resident who comes in alone.’"

Gotta love it

Chocolate Chip Mint: I Did Not Make This Up

"According to police, the clowns were driving home in separate cars and not all in one tiny car.'"


No mom I ever met

Al Qaeda magazine hints of looming attack; urges bombing of Vegas, military targets | Fox News

"In a nine-page spread entitled, ‘How to make a bomb in the kitchen of your mom,’ the magazine details a do-it-yourself, illustrated guide on assembling a pressure-cooker bomb similar to the ones used in the Boston Marathon bombings."

How to feel really, really old pt. 98302

Xbox oral history panel | 102746874 | Computer History Museum

Really? The origins of the Xbox? Isn’t Xbox one of those newfangled toys the kids are playing with these days? In a computer history museum? What? Speak up!

Grim, is what this is

Cheers! Maine drinks more than any other state | #Maine

"In the realm of politics and brews, Republicans prefer Bud Light, Democrats are all about Blue Moon, and Libertarians love their Sam Adams."

Truth is stranger than the Onion

“Would you criminalize fornication?” Desperate new argument against same-sex marriage laughed out of court - Salon.com

"That’s right — lawyers for Indiana and Wisconsin claimed that because a ‘fleeting moment of passion’ can produce offspring, straight people need marriage as an incentive to stay together and raise their ‘unintended children.’ Gay people, on the other hand, have to think and plan a lot harder if they want to be parents, so marriage doesn’t concern them. In other words, because an ill-considered, alcohol-fueled romp between two straight people can lead to a baby, gays shouldn’t be able to marry."


U.S. air strikes on Syria would face formidable obstacles | Reuters

"'There are all kinds of downsides and risks that suggest air strikes in Syria are probably not a great idea…But that doesn’t mean they won’t happen anyway.'"


If we didn't have this science stuff, where would we be?

Mozzarella Is the Best Pizza Cheese, According to Science | TIME

"Mozzarella is the best pizza cheese because it melts, bubbles and browns better than any other cheese, according to a new study published in the August issue of the Journal of Food Science, titled ‘Qualification of Pizza Baking Properties of Difference Cheese and Their Correlation with Cheese Functionality.’"

Time flies (or maybe stands still)

Obama Vows Protracted Military Campaign in Iraq, Syria | Global Research

"Thus far, the US has carried out roughly 100 air strikes in Iraq."

If you're using the Chrome browser…

Chrome Releases: Stable Channel Update

"This update includes 50 security fixes…"

Now would be a good time.

How to know when you're really, really old

The Mindset List: 2018 List

" ‘Press pound’ on the phone is now translated as ‘hit hashtag.’"

Beloit College’s annual Mindset List this year seems more than ordinarily inconsequential. But we are amused to note that once upon a time nobody knew what “press pound” meant either, as rotary telephone dials (no “press”) had neither a pound sign nor a hashtag (but did have an “Operator”).

If you stand on one leg, do you weigh half as much?

I’m just looking for an edge here. Anything. That donut looks gooood. 

Work avoidance, olé

La Tomatina 2014 Tomato Throwing Tomatina Festival Tours - World's Largest Food Fight

"La Tomatina is a food fight festival held on the last Wednesday of August each year in the town of Bunol near to Valencia in Spain."

[Emphasis added.]

Water, water everywhere…

Southern California prepares as big waves brew - Las Vegas Sun News

"In the city of Long Beach's Peninsula neighborhood, residents watched as bulldozers built huge sand berms between the ocean and their homes. Several took the warning to heart and shoveled sand into bags to place around their garage doors and entryways."


Also, we can give you a really good deal on a bridge in Brooklyn

Buried in the last graph

ISIS Beheading Suspect, 23yr. Old Rapper From London | Fortuna's Corner

"A McClatchy report published last month revealed that the Obama administration has been receiving detailed analysis of the rise of ISIS since 2012."

What a concept!

LG teases a round smartwatch, the “LG G Watch R,” for IFA | Ars Technica

"Over the weekend, LG posted a video to its YouTube account teasing a new watch from the company, and this time, it's round! "

Yes. A round watch. That looks like a…well…watch. Clever!