"It's not illegal to talk out of both sides of your mouth..."

Sen. Christopher S. Bond regularly railed against President Obama's economic stimulus plan as irresponsible spending that would drive up the national debt. But behind the scenes, the Missouri Republican quietly sought more than $50 million from a federal agency for two projects in his state.

Mr. Bond was not alone. More than a dozen Republican lawmakers, while denouncing the stimulus to the media and their constituents, privately sent letters to just one of the federal government's many agencies seeking stimulus money for home-state pork projects.

link: Washington Times - Stimulus foes see value in seeking cash

Now how long did that take?

London, Feb 6 (IANS) Bollywood superstar Shah Rukh Khan isn't intimidated by the full body-scan machines that have been recently installed at London's airports - in fact, he's been signing off printouts of his X-rays.

Khan, appearing on 'Friday Night With Jonathan Ross' - one of British television's most popular weekend shows - revealed he's been turning the controversial security machines into a public relations opportunity at London's Heathrow airport.

link: Shah Rukh signs off sexy body-scan printouts at Heathrow - Yahoo! India News

Celebrity body scans! Dude, it just had to happen.

Next step: How to photoshop one.

"Obama announces that he wants to get the snow plowed...

...but that he wants bipartisan consensus..."

(Read more here)

Arm on Arm

Photo: Phil Compton

And what, you might ask, is ACA International?

ACA International and its members played an important role in Scott Brown's (R-Mass.) stunning win in the Massachusetts special election to succeed the late Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.)....

Not only did members send money, but many agencies offered use of their phones as an in-kind contribution to the campaign.

link: ACA Members Help Influence Brown Election - ACA International

What it is, is "The Association of Credit and Collection Professionals" (see web site at the link, above). Yup, debt collectors. And why to they like our naked senator so much? Because he's against a consumer protection act, and against health care reform, both measures that might help cut down on the work debt collectors have to do.

See how fun?

"On the front line of the battle between good and not so good"

The Tick

(Cracks me up)

(Except for this)

FLINT, Mich. – Authorities said a man accused of stealing a car then reporting it stolen remains in custody after telling police he was robbed at gunpoint while trying to buy crack cocaine with a credit card.

link: Police: Man tries to buy crack with credit card - Yahoo! News

A wasted day

Maybe it's some kind of jambalaya hangover (was that a great game or what?) or maybe I just haven't recovered my senses yet from enduring Palin's incoherent speech on Saturday or Friday or whenever it was, I'm just trying to forget it ever happened, or possibly it's just that I'm tired of all this cold and just want to hibernate. Whatever. I'm sort of taking the day off today.

But here are five more words:

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting
laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Also, the word going around is that his goldfish thinks he's a jerk

The ex-girlfriend of embattled Democratic lieutenant governor nominee Scott Lee Cohen put out a statement through her lawyer this evening saying Cohen is not fit to hold public office.

link: Clout St: Ex-girlfriend: Cohen not fit to hold public office

Redefining the word, "trust"

Trust me, after taxes, a million dollars is not a lot of money - Michael Steele, chair of the GOP National Committee

link: UNDERNEWS: WORD

Top five

Noted by our Midwest Bureau:

Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational
which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter
it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an a__hole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.

Yes, there are more and yes, we will probably get around to posting them as well, but in the meantime, as a bonus, here are the first five entries on a list of strangest book titles of 2009, compiled by Utne Reader and passed on by the Progressive Review's UNDERNEWS:

100 Girls on Cheap Paper

A Tortilla is Like Life

Advances in Potato Chemistry and Technology

Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter

An Intellectual History of Cannibalism

No word on when the audio versions might be available.

I need a title for this one...

Photo: Phil Compton

The new American hero

NEW YORK — Goldman Sachs Group Inc. CEO Lloyd Blankfein is getting a $9 million stock bonus for 2009, a modest payday by Wall Street standards that appears aimed at quelling criticism of the bank's compensation practices....

"It was certainly less than expected," said Mark Borges, a principal with Compensia Inc., a Northern California compensation consulting firm. "While the fact that he's making this much won't sit well with people out of work, it seems Goldman is being sensitive to the political considerations and optics of this amount."

"It's almost as if he's taking a bullet for everyone else," Borges added.

link: Goldman Sachs Bonuses: CEO Lloyd Blankfein Gets $9 Million Stock Bonus For 2009

Putting aside the puzzling question of just what optics has to do with this guy's bonus, and noting that all the $9 million is in stock that can't be cashed for a cruelly long five years, still, dude, when this guy is hailed as a hero for only taking a $9 million bonus we are seriously screwed.

So are we going to have to txt money to help D.C. now too?

Officials urged people to huddle at home for the weekend, out of the way of crews trying to keep up with a [snow] storm that forecasters said could be the biggest for the nation's capital in modern history....

"D.C. traditionally panics when it comes to snow. This time, it may be more justifiable than most times," said Becky Shipp, who was power-walking in Arlington, Va., Friday. "I am trying to get a walk in before I am stuck with just the exercise machine in my condo."

link: Snow piles up, paralyzing nation's capital - Yahoo! News

In New York, 12 year old schoolgirl is arrested for doodling on her desk

Wonder if they frog marched her out the door in handcuffs? Why yes, yes they did.

link: Spiiderweb™: NYC student, 12, arrested for doodling

According to the New York Times, the girl, one Alexa Gonzalez, among other punishments, was assigned to write "an essay on what she learned from the experience."

The mind reels in giddy delight.

Turbines grew up in California, won't spin in Minn.

For those who suspect residents in places like Minnesota of embellishment when it comes to their tales of bitterly cold winter weather, consider this: even some wind turbines, it seems, cannot bear it....

But the 12 turbines in question, each 20 years old, spent their earlier years twirling in California.

link: When Windmills Don’t Spin, People Expect Some Answers - NYTimes.com

When just about anything is worth a try

WASHINGTON – A powerful winter storm bore down on the Mid-Atlantic on Friday with as much as two feet of snow in store for the nation's capital, where the federal government prepared to shut early.

link: Snow bears down on DC as Mid-Atlantic region preps - Yahoo! News

Moving the federal government to Bangor or Duluth or, for that matter, Buffalo might be a really good idea.

Is this a great country or what?

PORTLAND, Ore. – The ketchup packet has been around for more than 40 years, and complaints about it for nearly as long: too messy, too small, too hard to open. Now ketchup giant H.J. Heinz Co. is unveiling the first major packaging change to the to-go condiment.

The new design has a base that's more like a cup for dipping and also a tear-off end for squeezing, plus it holds three times as much ketchup than a traditional packet.

link: Heinz revamps ketchup packets - Yahoo! News

Underwear

Some time last summer I ordered three entirely unremarkable plain white Hanes T-shirts from a web site called "freshpair" (motto: "buy underwear in your underwear") and since then have received an apparently unending two, three times per week stream of spam which was really beginning to bug me until that underpants bomber came along and now the whole thing entirely cracks me up.

The "was" is a nice touch

Feb. 3 (Bloomberg Multimedia) -- The U.S. may lose 824,000 jobs when the government releases its annual revision to employment data on Feb. 5, showing the labor market was in worse shape during the recession than known at the time.

link: U.S. May Lose 824,000 Jobs as Employment Data Revised: Analysis - Bloomberg.com

Wish list

Robert Reich - I wish conservatives would stop complaining about big government and start worrying about the real problem - small democracy.

link: UNDERNEWS: TOO SMALL DEMOCRACY, NOT TOO BIG GOVERNMENT, IS THE PROBLEM

Bring on the robot

But how about Buckeye Chuck, Staten Island Chuck, Jimmy The Groundhog, and General Lee Groundhog?

None of them saw their shadows.

link: Groundhog Day 2010 PREDICTIONS: Local Groundhogs Do Not See Shadows, Unlike Punxsutawney Phil

You may recall the other day PETA called for replacing Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog, with a robot. I say, can't happen too soon for me. Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow yesterday, but look at all those guys who didn't (links at the link).

With a majority like that, even the Democrats could get us an early spring.

The un-beach

We are shocked

Senator Saxby Chambliss of Georgia said that if they began to loosen one restriction [namely, the restriction on gays serving openly as embodied in Don't Ask, Don't Tell], others might unravel, leading to a louche atmosphere brimming with “alcohol use, adultery, fraternization and body art.”

link: Op-Ed Columnist - Defending the Long Gay Line - NYTimes.com

Emphasis mine.

Chambliss is one of those fighting R's who took five student deferments during the Vietnam war and so is, perhaps, not intimately acquainted with the military life.